Archive for June, 2007

Islamic Perspectiive of Sex:Conclusion

Posted in Books on Marriage, Sexual Issues on June 26, 2007 by Shaz

Islamic Perspectiive of Sex

Abdur-Rahman A. Al-Sheha 

Conclusion
We have presented in this book some of the major highlights of Islamic standpoint on sex. We aim through this booklet to offer some introductory remarks about this very important issue of human life, and the method Islam follows to govern it to become as one of the acts of Islamic worships. A Muslim would be rewarded if he/she uses sex in the manner described and approved by Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).

This booklet is hoped to urge a non-Muslim to further his knowledge about Islam; which offers the best way of life. Islam encompasses all aspects of life, the private, and the public as well. In fact, if a Muslim were serious about his Islamic practices, his reward would continue reaching him, even after death. If a Muslim left a good legacy or guidance behind him, or if he even guided and directed people to a certain good practice, he would continue to receive the promised reward after his departure of this world. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” Upon the death of a human being, his [rewards for his worldly] actions would discontinue except for [the following] three items: a continuous charity, a beneficial knowledge he left behind, or a righteous son [or daughter] wholeheartedly would continue to pray for him” [72].

Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is also reported to have said, which read as follows:” Whoever calls people to a guidance [good practice] would receive the same reward as they do. Their rewards would not be decreased. Whoever calls people to a misguidance, [ill practice] would receive the same sin as they do. Their sins would not be decreased” [73].

An indication to the fact that Islam pays attention to the minute details in the comprehensive life of a Muslim is the directive given to Muslims by Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) while going to answer the call of nature. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” If a person wants to answer the call of nature, upon entering the [bathroom], let him enter with the left foot saying: in the name of Allah. Oh Allah! I seek refuge with You against filth and evil things. Then, when such a person leaves the bathroom should get out the bathroom area with the right foot saying: All praise is due to Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) , [He is] Who removed the harmful things away from me and made me healthy” [74].

Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” Don’t face the Qiblah [Prayer] direction neither when you urinate, nor when you have bowl movement”.

It is worthwhile mentioning the opinion of one of the Western canonists concerning the Islamic system and laws and their comprehensiveness to cover all aspects of life. Dr. Hopkins, the Professor of Philosophy in Harvard University, in his book The Spirit of International Policy writes:” The progress and development of the Islamic countries is not by following the Western styles, which claim that religion has no say over the daily life of the individual, the laws and the political system. Man must find in the religion a source for growth and progress. At times, some people wonder whether Islam is capable of generating new ideas and issue independent rulings that coincide with the requirements of the modern life. The response to this is: ‘Yes. Islam is internally ready to grow, or rather one may say, Islam is better than many other similar systems in its ability to develop. Nevertheless, the difficulty is not in the ability of the religion of Islam because the lack of means, but rather the lack of inclination and desire to use them. I do feel that I can rightly decide that Islam possesses all the necessary requirements for success”.

It is, therefore, safe to say that Islam is the greatest religion that accompanies and guides man in every step of his life and affairs.

A religion that can do this for the life of the Believers, is definitely worth holding tight on and invite others to embrace. Non-Muslims are invited to study the pure realities of Islam and see for themselves the benefits that can derive from Islam.

Non-Muslims must not be partial in making a decision before learning the merits and characteristics of Islam.

Islam is a religion that brings all good and stops all evils. Islam has the solutions for the entire problems of man on earth. The real problem, however, lies in the poor and incomplete commitment of its followers to apply its rules and spirit.

Unfortunately, a great majority of Muslims tend to shun away from the full application of the Islamic rules and regulations. They do that, at times, to satisfy their own whims and desires, and at other times because the rules of Islam conflict with their personal interests, which aim at fulfilling their goals even if this was by cheating or exploitation of others and by all means of corruption.

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[72] Bukhari and Muslim reported this Hadith.
[73] Bukhari and Muslim reported this Hadith.
[74] Bukhari reported this Hadith.

Islamic Perspective of Sex:Islam and Marriage

Posted in Books on Marriage, Sexual Issues on June 26, 2007 by Shaz

Islamic Perspective of Sex

Abdur-Rahman A. Al-Sheha 

Islam and Marriage
Islam permits Muslims to satisfy their sexual needs only through lawful marriage. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) ordained man to be different than all other irrational creatures. Sayyid Sabeq, in his book, ‘Fiqhu-Sunnah’, comments as follows:” Islam controls and organizes the sexual behavior and needs. A perfect system is laid down by Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) to maintain and preserve the honor, dignity, and respect of man. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) ordained that a mutual acceptance and agreement must be secured for a marriage relationship between a man and a woman. The man and the woman who are to establish a marriage contract and relationship must perform a “Request” and an “Acceptance”. Both spouses to be must have witnesses to testify that marriage contract. Thus, a proper and safe way for this relationship is established. Moreover, the progeny, which is a byproduct of this relationship is also protected, well preserved, and properly cared for. In addition, the woman in Islam is also protected by such contract against unlawful and harmful relationships. Islam established the basis of a nucleus family that is nourished by the mother, and supported by the father. Thus, the products of this marriage are lawful relationship, which would grow up in a fine and suitable environment. This is the system that Islam accepts and maintains for its Believers and as such, it ruins all other unlawful and meaningless relationships”[23].
Wife Selection in Islam
Islam established its own theory for a process of spouse. The issue of marriage in Islam is not an issue of mere sexual satisfaction. Islam considers marriage an institution to establish a family. Therefore, Islam urges marriage seekers to select a long lasting relationship, establish a beloved, and caring family, which should serve the society. All these conditions would not be fulfilled unless there is a pious and righteous wife, who is mindful of the commands of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and careful about all duties entrusted to her. However, other issues of social life must not be neglected. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura al-Nur (24:32):” Marry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones among your slaves, male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His Grace: for Allah encompasseth all, and He knoweth all things”.

Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) explained the issues that urge a Muslim to marry. He also, emphasized the everlasting factor for marriage, which is righteousness. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” A woman would be sought for marriage for the following four items: for her wealth, beauty, [honorable] lineage, or for her [strong commitment to] Islam. [When you seek a woman to marry], may Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) bless your hands; seek the one with a strong commitment to faith”[24].

Islam seeks to prepare the best men as husbands. Islam cares a lot for the woman and urges Muslims to be the best for their families, and wives in particular. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” The most perfect Believers in terms of faith are those, who possess the best character and manners. The best among you are those who are best to their women. I, as Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), am the best among you to my family” [25].

In addition, Islam idealizes a wife as the best woman. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) describes such a woman as follows, which read as follows:” [She is that woman] who pleases [her husband] when he looks at her, obeys him when he commands [instructs or requests], fulfills his demands and preserves his wealth” [26].

Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is also reported to have said concerning the same subject, which read as follows:” The best gain a Muslim acquires after [commitment to] Islam is a beautiful wife who pleases him when he looks at her, obeys his commands, protects his privacy when he is absent, and protects his wealth” [27].
Lawful sight of a prospective bride
Islam aims at long lasting marital relationship. If both, strong commitment to Islam and sound moral background are ensured in a marriage, good looks leads to a successful marital relationship. A bridegroom, however, and his bride, both must enter into this relationship with full conviction, mutual acceptance, and preliminary satisfaction of the essential marriage requirements.

Therefore, Islam permits both spouses to look at each other. A man came to Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and informed him that he sought marriage from a specific woman of Ansars. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” Did you look at her? The man answered negatively. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said: Look at her. There is something [funny] about the eyes of Ansari women [i.e., some blemishing effect]” [28].

This is, of course, a wise advice so as the bridegroom would not regret later if had seen the bride before marriage. He may think, ‘I would had changed my mind had I known her to be like that!’

Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) explained the wisdom of the lawful sight of the bridegroom to the bride, prior to concluding a marriage contract. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said to a man who came and told him about his engagement of a certain woman. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” Did you look at her? The man replied negatively. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) commanded him: ‘Go and see her. It is hoped that you both would become lovable to each other” [29].

Love and affection, between a husband and wife, are normal feelings according to Islam. Therefore, so long as this love is pure, innocent, and lawful, Islam condones it and nourishes it by lawful means. A man came and asked Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) which read as follows:” Oh Messenger of Allah! I have an orphan girl in my custody. Two men sought her for marriage. One is rich and the other is poor. We like the rich and she likes the poor. [to whom should we offer her in marriage?]. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: Nothing is known to be better for people who love one another than marriage” [30].
Additional aspects on marriage preference

Islam urges Muslims to intercede between two loving and righteous spouses, if their marriage is on the verge of breaking. For example, a man called Mogheith was noticed following his wife Burairah, after she obtained divorce from him. The ex husband cried and begged his divorcee to come back to him [as a loving wife]. Upon noticing this Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said to Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him), which read as follows:” Isn’t it amazing how much Mogheith loves Burairah and how much she hates him? Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)turned to Burairah and requested her: I wish you return to him [as a wife]! urairah asked: Oh Messenger of Allah! Do you command me to return to him? Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)said: No, I Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) just interceding for him. She said: I have no need for him” [31].
A Muslim guardian of a woman may, based on the acceptance and approval of the woman, propose her for marriage to someone who is well acquainted with his character and qualities. A guardian is usually keen to serve the interest of the woman he is entrusted him for guardianship. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura al-Qasas (28:22-27):” And when he arrived at the watering (place) in Madyan, he found there a group of men watering (their flocks), and besides them he found two women who were keeping back (their flocks). He said: What is the matter with you? They said: We cannot water (our flocks) until the shepherds take back (their flocks): and our father is a very old man. Therefore, he watered (their flocks) for them; then he turned back to the shade, and said: O my Lord! Truly am I in (desperate) need of any good that Thou dost send me! Afterwards one of the (damsels) came (back) to him, walking bashfully. She said: My father invites thee that he may reward thee for having watered (our flocks) for us. So when he came to him and narrated the story, he said: Fear thou not: (well) hast thou escaped from unjust people. He said: I intended to wed one of these my daughters to thee, on condition that thou serve me for eight years; but if thou complete ten years, it will be (grace) from thee. But I intend not to place thee under a difficulty: thou wilt find me, indeed, if Allah wills, one of the righteous. He said: Be that (the agreement) between me and thee: whichever of the two terms I fulfill, let there be no ill-will to me. Be Allah a witness to what we say”.
Marriage contract, dowry and wedding

Islam requires specific conditions in a marriage. The first requirement is the acceptance and approval of both parties. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” A widow or divorcee [woman] must not be [forced to] married unless she approves it. The virgin, also, must not be [forced to] marrying unless she is sought permission. The Companions asked: How could we seek her permission? He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) replied: If she observed silence it means she gave her permission”.
If a woman is forced to marry without her consent, she has the right to break that marriage. This is based on the action of Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) when a woman called Khansa bint Jutham was forced to marry, without her consent. She came to Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and informed him that her father offered her in marriage without her consent. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) declared that marriage null and void. Of course, this is done with the intent to ensure the protection of the Muslim family. In addition, this would help eliminate the vices in the society, as it would protect against any marriage betrayals resulting from the dislike of spouses to one another.
The role of a legal guardian is also another requirement of a valid marriage. This is based on the Hadith reported of Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) saying, which read as follows:” A marriage would not be valid unless a [bride] guardian and two just witness are [all] present” [32]. Again, all this is done in order to preserve the relationships among the family members. A [sound and matured] guardian is also keen and more careful to choose the best for his guarded woman. Thus, he would exert every possible effort to select the most suitable marriage partner for her.
If there is no guardian, or if the guardian forbids his guarded woman to marry, despite the mutual agreement of male and female, the guardianship would automatically transfer to the judge or authorities. This is based on the Hadith reported of Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) which read as follows:” The governor [judge] is the guardian for [a woman or minor] who has no [relative] guardian”.
A dowry is another requirement for the validity of marriage. A dowry must be paid to the bride. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura al-Nisa [The Women] (4:3):” And give the women [on marriage] their dower as a free gift; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it with right good cheer”.
Muslims must not be extravagant in dowries. This is based on the Hadith reported of Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) saying, which read as follows:” The signs of a good fortune of a woman are: the ease of engagement [when marriage is sought], the ease of dowry, and the ease of relationship with her relatives” [33]. Omar, the second Caliph (may Allah be pleased with him) said: ” Don’t exaggerate when you request for a dowry for your brides. If there were an honor to be given in this world, or a piety in the Sight of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala), Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)would have earned the best of these. I don’t know of any marriage, which Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) performed, either for his wives, or for his daughters, that exceeded twelve Uqiyah[34]” [35].
In addition, all other lawful conditions that both parties agree upon for the marriage contract must be executed after marriage. This is based on the Hadith reported of Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) saying, which read as follows:” The most entitled contracts’ provisions to fulfill are that of the marriage contract” [36].
Islam ordains a wedding party to celebrate their happiness for the occasion. Such a party should invite the relatives and friends of the bride and the bridegroom in order to publicize and announce the marriage in the community. This is based on the Hadith reported of Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) saying when he noticed that he had married, which read as follows:” May Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) bless you. Throw a [wedding] party, even if you slaughter [and prepare] one [head of] a female sheep” [37].
Islam does not condone lavishness on the wedding party. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Isra [The Night Journey] (17:27):” Verily spendthrifts are brothers of the Evil Ones; and the Evil One is to his Lord [Himself] Ungrateful”.
Islam exhorts the invitees for a wedding party to attend it, unless he has a valid excuse. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” [Attempt to] liberate the prisoner, honor the call of an inviter, and visit an ill person” [38].
Islam urges the people who attend the wedding meal party to pray for the inviters, as he (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) instructed, which read as follows:” Oh Allah! Forgive them, be Merciful to them, and bless what You have provided them” [39]. Also, to pray for them, which read as follows:” May Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) bless her for you, may Allah bless you, and may Allah gather both of you on good things” [40].
Islam permits the use of the flat drum only at this occasion, as well as morally encouraging songs and chanting. This is based on the Hadith reported of Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)saying to our beloved mother of Believers Aeshah (may Allah be pleased with him) who attended a wedding of an Ansari woman:” Did you have any fun [singing and playing the flat drum]? Ansar people liked to listen to that” [41].
The etiquette at the night of wedding

At the first meeting after wedding night, the bridegroom is advised to present himself in a pleasant manner, with sweet conversations, and in a very kind way to the bride. This is the first meeting of a new life style. Doing so would bring the two spouses closer together. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) did the same on the night of marriage to Aeshah (may Allah be pleased with him). He sat next to her, requested a jug of milk, and drank of it, and then he passed it to her. She also drank of the same glass. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) told her to pass the jug to her peers, as reported by Imam Ahmad.
It is also an act of Sunnah to hold the hair bangs of the bride and offer a Sunnah supplication, as reported in Hadith, which read as follows:” Oh Allah! I seek of you [to grant me] the best of this woman and the best of her characteristics. Oh Allah! I seek refuge with you to protect me against all the evils of this woman and her evil characteristics” [42].
Joking and playing between spouses
Islam regards the fulfillment of sexual instinct as natural, but with regulated and specific conditions. This sexual fulfillment is described in Quran Sura Rum (30:21), as follows:” And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts]: verily in that are Signs for those who reflect”.

Islam therefore encouraged the establishment of such relationship and stressed to promote it. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which reads as follows:” Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) asked his Companion Jaber (may Allah be pleased with him): Did you marry? Jaber (may Allah be pleased with him) replied affirmatively. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)asked: Is she a virgin or a divorcee or widow? Jaber (may Allah be pleased with him)stated that she was a widow. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) commented: Why didn’t you get a virgin, as you would have fun with each other!”.

Islam, in fact, places a great value for the fun between the two spouses. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which reads as follows:” All the fun that man has is vain except for three items: shooting arrows, disciplining [training] a gorse and having fun with his wife. These three items are but truthful [or lawful] means of fun” [43].

In fact, Islam encourages best grooming for both spouses. Decent grooming promotes love and increases affection between spouses. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which reads as follows:” Truly, Allah is Beautiful and He likes beauty” [44].

Ibn Omar (may Allah be pleased with him) also reported that Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have done as Ibn Omar (may Allah be pleased with him) does, which reads as follows:” Ibn Omar (may Allah be pleased with him) used two types of perfume and said: this is the way that Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) perfumed himself” [45].

Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) is reported to have said, which reads as follows:” I try to look best to my wife, as I like her to look best to me. I also do not like to demand all my rights onto her, as I, as Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) , am afraid she would also demand her full right onto me [in such a case I wouldn't be able to fulfill it for her]. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura al-Baqarah (2:228): And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree [of advantage] over them. And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise”.
Limits of fun between spouses Bed fun

Both spouses are permitted to see each other in the nude. Both are also entitled to enjoy one another to the utmost. Mu’awiyah (may Allah be pleased with him) asked Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), which reads as follows:” Oh Messenger of Allah! To what extent should we protect [cover] our private parts? Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have replied: Protect [cover] your private parts [fully] except from your spouse or those whom your right hand possess” [46].
Both spouses are entitled to enjoy each other fully in terms of sexual intercourse in any position, if the husband approaches his wife in the proper place, i.e., where a baby is delivered. Tirmithi reported that Omar (may Allah be pleased with him) came to Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and declared, which reads as follows:” Oh Messenger of Allah! I’ve destroyed myself! Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) asked: What cause you to say this? Omar (may Allah be pleased with him) replied: I’ve changed the method of my intercourse tonight. [i.e., he approached his wife from the back, but in the proper place]. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) did not comment on the issue [as he doesn't have any jurisdiction to say]. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) revealed to Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) , on the spot, the following verse in Sura al-Baqarah (2:223): Your wives are as a tilth unto you: so approach your tilth when or how you will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah, and know that ye are to meet Him [in the Hereafter], and give [these] good tidings to those who believe”

Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, at this point, which reads as follows:” You may approach her from the front, or from the back, provided that you avoid the anis and while the wife is in menses” [47].

This Hadith, however, means that a husband must avoid doing anything with his wife while she is in menstruation period. Aeshah (may Allah be pleased with hher) reported that:” While I was in menstruation, I would drink from a cup, then Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) would take the cup, place his lips in the same place of mine on the cup, and drink. I would also take a piece of meat on the bone; bite of it, then put it down. Then, Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) would take the same piece and eat from it, placing his lips in the same place of mine” [48].

Similarly, a husband and wife may enjoy each other, while in menstruation, if they avoid the actual intercourse. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which reads as follows:” You may do anything [with each other as a husband and wife, while in menstruation] except of actual intercourse” [49].

Jaber (may Allah be pleased with him) is reported to have said, which reads as follows:” Jews used to believe that if a husband approaches his wife from the back, in the proper place, the born child would be cross-eyed. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) revealed, the following verse in Sura al-Baqarah (2:223): Your wives are as a tilth unto you: so approach your tilth when or how you will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah, and know that ye are to meet Him [in the Hereafter], and give [these] good tidings to those who believe” [50].
It is Sunnah to utter the name of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) before approaching one’s wife sexually. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which reads as follows:” If a husband, before he approaches his wife sexually, supplicates as follows: Oh Allah! Protect us from Satan, and make him away from us. If the two spouses get a child as a result of this sexual intercourse, Satan would not be able to harm the child” [51].
The husband must play with his wife, talk to her nicely, and kiss her in order to arouse her sexually. In addition, a husband must wait for his wife to satisfy her sexual desire. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which reads as follows:” If a husband has an intercourse with his wife he must be truthful with her. If he got sexually satisfied before she does, then he should wait for her to get her satisfaction” [52].

In addition, Omar bin AbdulAziz (may Allah be pleased with him) is reported to have narrated the following Hadith of Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), which reads as follows:” Don’t approach your wife sexually and have intercourse with her right away. You should wait until she is as sexually aroused as you are. The man asked: Oh Messenger of Allah! What should I do [in order to achieve that?] He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) replied: Kiss her, touch her, and try to arouse her. If you notice that is she is as ready sexually as you are, then perform the intercourse” [53].
In addition, it is also an act of Sunnah to perform a complete ablution by taking a full bath, or a partial ablution, as one does to offer a prayer, if the husband desires to have another intercourse with her. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which reads as follows:” If a husband has an intercourse with his wife once, and wanted to repeat it again, let him perform an ablution” [54].
This good practice is purer, more hygienic and enables the person to have a stronger sexual strength and desire.
Fun while taking a bath
A fun with the wife is not confined to the bed only. A husband may have fun with his wife all the time, if privacy for both is well secured and maintained. It is reported of mother Aeshah (may Allah be pleased with her) that she said, which read as follows:” Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and I, bathed of the same pot of water that we placed between both of us. He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) would beat me to take the water until I say to him, let me have some! Let me have some!” [55].
Fun at home
Mother Aeshah (may Allah be pleased with her) was once asked, which read as follows:” What would Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) do first when he entered his home? She replied: He brushed his teeth with his Siwak, the wooden toothbrush. I would think that he cleans his mouth and makes it smell better in order to hug his family and kiss them”. Mother Aeshah (may Allah be pleased with her) also reported that, which read as follows:” Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) kissed one of his wives and went straight out to the Masjid to offer his prayers. He did not perform Wudu ablution” [56].
Fun with wife outside the house
As we pointed out earlier, fun with the wife is permitted at all times and at all places if the full privacy is secured and maintained. No body must see a husband and wife having fun or playing with each other in public. Mother Aeshah (may Allah be pleased with her) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” While I was young, before I put much weight on me, Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and I were on a trip. He advised his Companions (may Allah be pleased with him) to go ahead of him and called me to race with him. I beat him in running. Then, Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) did not ask me any more to race with him for a while. Later on, after I gained weight and forgot that I’ve beaten him in the race, I was again on a trip with him. He advised his Companions (may Allah be pleased with him) to go ahead of him for a distance. Then, he told me: come let’s have a running race! I totally forgot the previous incident when I beat him in the race. Mother Aeshah (may Allah be pleased with her) commented: Oh Messenger of Allah! How can I race with you and I am as heavy as you can see? He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: You must do it. Thus, we raced and he beat me this time. He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) began laughing and said: Oh Aeshah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon her), this win [of mine] by that win [of yours] in the race” [57].

It is important to note here that it is completely unlawful to reveal the secrets of marriage. It is an unacceptable practice to talk about what takes place between a husband and his wife in privacy. Abu Horairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that once Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) , after we finished the prayer, turned to us and said, which read as follows:” Remain seated! Is there among you who comes out of his house, after he does whatever he likes with his wife, comes out and tells other: I’ve done such and such with my wife? Those who were present did not reply anything. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) turned to the women and asked the same thing, and they did the same. A young woman, who was present then, sat on her knee, stretched up to be noticed and her voice heard by Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) , and said: By Allah! They all do, males and females. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said: Do you know the example of the person who does so? His example is like that of a male and female Satans who meets one another on the road, satisfy their sexual desire by getting their thrill while people are watching” [58].

In order to perpetuate the matrimonial life, Islam sets forth certain rights and duties on each of the two spouses. This tends to protect family structure from disintegration at future time. Both spouses must understand their relative rights and duties.
The rights of wife over her husband
It suffices here to list some verses of Quran and traditions of Hadith of Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) that illustrate the rights of the wife in Islam.

Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Nisa (4:19):” On the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them, it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good”.
Allah also (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Baqarah (2:228):” And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree (of advantage) over them. And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise”.
Allah’s Messenger (subhanahu wa ta’ala)is reported to have said:” The best among you is one who is best to his family [wife], and I as Allah’s Messenger am the best among you to my family”.
One of the Companions (may Allah be pleased with him) asked Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), which read as follows:” What is the right of the wife? Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said: To feed her if you eat, clothe her if you clothe yourself, don’t slap her on the face, don’t be nasty to her and don’t be away from her [physically] except while both of you are at the same house” [59].
Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” The most perfect Believers are those who are best in moral conduct, and the best among them are those who are best to their women” [60].
Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” Be mindful of Allah concerning women. You have taken them in by Allah’s Trust and their private parts became lawful for you with Allah’s Word” [61].
Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” A [married male] Believer should not hate his Believing wife. He may dislike one of her attitudes, but he would [definitely] like another one of hers” [62].
As such, we see that full perfection is due to Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) alone. No man is perfect one hundred percent on this earth.
The rights of a husband over his wife
The following are only hints from the Glorious Quran and Hadith concerning the rights of a husband over his wife.

Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Nisa [Women] describing the righteous women, (4:34):” Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard”.
Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said to mother (may Allah be pleased with him) when she asked him, which read as follows:” Whose right is the greatest on a woman [wife]? He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) replied: Her husband. She continued: Whose right is the greatest on a man? He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: His mother”.
Hossain bin Mohsen reported that his aunt once said to him, which read as follows:” I went once to Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) asking him about a certain matter. He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) asked: Who is this woman? Does she have a husband? I replied affirmatively. He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) further asked: How do you treat him? I replied: I do my best serving him, until I can’t. He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) commented: You better take care of him as he is [your husband], either your Jannah, Paradise or your Fire” [63].
Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” The best of women is the one who pleases you if you look at her, obeys you if you commands her [to do a lawful item], and protects your privacy and wealth if you are absent”.
Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” If a woman [wife] maintains her five daily prayers, observes the fast of the month of Ramadan, protects her private parts [by not committing adultery or fornication], and obeys her husband, she would be given the choice to enter Jannah, Paradise through any gate she likes” [64].
Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” If I were to command someone to prostrate to another person, I would have commanded a wife to prostrate before her husband”.
Divorce in Islam
Islam regards marriage bond as sacred and blessed. As such, Islam is keen to strengthen the relationship between the two spouses. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) indicates the great value of the marriage bond as He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) states in Quran Sura Nisa (4:21):” And how could ye take it when ye have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant”.

In fact, Allah’s Mssenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” Iblis [Satan], places his throne on water and sends his troops. The closest one [of his troops to him] is that who has the greatest trail and temptation [to mankind]. As such, Satan would bring that member of his troop closer to him [in honor and respect for what he did]. One of the members of Satan’s troops would come forward and reports what [evil activities] he did. Satan would comment: ‘You did not do anything. Then another one of his troops would come forward and report: I did not leave that man [a husband] until I separated him from his wife. Satan would bring that one of the members of his troop closer to him [in honor and respect] saying: Yes indeed. It is you [who deserves the honor]” [65].

Similarly, Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) demonstrated the respect and honor of the marriage bond by saying, which read as follows:” He is not considered among us [Muslims], who turns a woman against her husband” [66].

Although Islam places a great importance on the marriage integrity and declares it holy and honorable, yet Islam legalizes divorce that breaks this great bond. Nevertheless, Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have described divorce, which read as follows:” The most hatred lawful item in the Sight of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) is divorce” [67].

Islam reached this decision when marriage reaches a dead end between the two spouses and there is no other solution except divorce. Islam is keen to protect the Muslim family and the Islamic society. The anti-social behavior of husband or wife can cause chaos in the society. Such chaos may very well lead to mixed lineage, falsified inheritance, deprivation of genuine rights and spread of indecency in the community.

Although divorce is lawful, it is still well restricted. In fact, divorce is not a toy in the hand of the person, which he may use it any way when he or she likes. Muslim scholars illustrate that divorce must take one of the four following forms:

Divorce may be compulsory when the two assigned referees decide it in the case of the disputed spouses. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Nisa (4:35):” If ye fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family, and the other from hers; if they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation: for Allah hath full knowledge, and is acquainted with all things”.
Divorce is unlawful, if there is no sound and visible reason or ground for it.
Divorce is permissible, if the wife is vicious in terms of character and attitudes.
Divorce is required, if the wife is not committed to the Islamic teachings, or if she is indecent or vulgar.
The same items also apply to the husband as well. If a husband does not commit himself to the Islamic teachings, if he is indecent or if he has a bad character, or bad personality, or if he has physical defects that make life miserable with him, a wife is entitled to seek divorce from such a husband on such grounds.
Khul’u in Islam
Khul’u is divorce on the instance of the wife’s request in Islam, who must pay her husband compensation in order for him to accept divorcing her.

If marriage were not based on love, affection, comfort, and agreement between the two spouses, life then would turn into misery rather happiness and comfort. Marriage, in such a case, would no longer be a harmony, peace of mind and comfort, but rather hardship and adversity. If one of the spouses hated the other, or doesn’t trust him, there would be no hope for marriage continuation. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Nisa (4:19):” On the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good”.

Islam legalized khul’u however when life with the other spouse becomes unbearable. Of course, divorce normally is a right to the husband; therefore, he can issue it when he feels fit. However, if the wife hates the life with her husband and could no longer take it, then, in such a case, she may demand divorce by the process of Khul’u, paying the husband compensation for what he had already paid her in order to terminate the marriage.

This is the justice in the best form, we believe. A husband paid the dowry, bore the marriage expenses, and paid other expenses as well. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Baqarah (2:229):” It is not lawful for you, [men], to take back any of your gifts (from your wives), except when both parties fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah. If ye [judges] do indeed fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah, there is not blame on either of them if she give something for her freedom. These are the limits ordained by Allah; so do not transgress them if any do transgress the limits ordained by Allah, such persons wrong [themselves as well as others]“.

Islam aims at preserving people’s honor and dignity. Islam also aims to protect and secure the society by closing all doors for possible social corruption. The presence of a husband with a woman whom he does not like, and vice versa, would very likely lead to suspicious and unlawful relationships. Therefore, Islam legalized divorce. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Nisa (4:130):” But if they disagree [and must part], Allah will provide abundance for all from His All-Reaching bounty: for Allah is He that careth for all and is Wise”.
Results of sexual freedom and confusion
Islam bans adultery and all types of fornication labeling it as one of the major sins in Islam. In fact, Islam bans all acts and means that may lead one to commit adultery or fornication. Sayyid Qutub illuminated in his book In the Shade of Quran:” Islam aims at eliminating all forms of pure animalistic sexual behavior. Islam wishes to help establish a proper home and a caring family resulting of the proper and lawful sexual relationship. Islam does not tolerate a mere sexual relationship that makes the human being very much like an animal, which is driven only by his mere sex for mating and reproduction. Islam erects a loving and caring relationship between two hearts and bodies of two human beings who live together and have the same hopes and common ground life. The proper “marriage nest” that is built on such basis would house the new generation under the custody, care, and guardianship of both Muslim parents. Hence, Islam instituted very strict and severe punishment for adultery and fornication. Islam considers adultery as animalistic behavior that abolishes all human manners and principles. If a person is merely interested and concerned to satisfy his sexual desires, he would turn into an animal in the shape and body of a human being. Such a person may not be trusted for being in charge of the prosperity on earth. In fact, there is no real emotional satisfaction of the mere sexual relationship. Emotional relationship is a continuous, everlasting, and caring one. It is not, in reality, what is categorized to be in terms of a short-term materialistic love as a response for the bodily attractions only, although some people may shed so many emotional characteristics on it. Islam does not, at all, fight, or stand in the way of the normal human behavior, but rather controls it, organizes it, purifies it, and elevates it above the level of the animalistic behavior. Islam promotes the human sexuality or lust to become the core of the personal morals, social attitudes, and relationships. As for adultery and fornication, and more precisely prostitution, one feels that it is, in reality, empty of all these feelings, emotions, and sense of belonging and relationship. Islam looks at prostitution as one of the lowest ill acts of a human society. Such a poor practice makes man below the level of animals in attitudes and behavior. In fact, there are many animals who live a decent and organized social life, away from the mess and confusion that prostitution creates in some human societies “[68].

It is useful to list some of the bad results and the chaos situation that sexual confusion brings to a human society and to the morals of the people. One of the inevitable results is the spread of adultery and fornication in the society. These are some of the results of the sexual confusion in the human society:

The spread of epidemic and fatal diseases. Such diseases are not restricted to the person who practices such unlawful activities, but it rather spreads to others, whom he or she contacts. In fact, such diseases may, very likely, spread very wide in the community. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Isra (17:32):” Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful [deed] and an evil, opening the road [to other evils]“.
Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” Be mindful of adultery [and fornication] as it possesses six traits. Three of these traits [are noticeable] in this world while the other three are felt in Hereafter. As for the worldly three traits, they are as follows: it would remove brightness from the face of the practicing person. It would also cause a person to feel poverty. In addition, it would shorten the life span of a person. As for the other three traits that would be felt in the Hereafter, they are as follows: it would entitle the practicing person to receive the wrath and anger of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). It would also cause such a person to have poor results when he/she is held accountable for what he did in this world. Lastly, it would entitle such a person to dwell eternally in the Fire of hell” [69].

Adultery and fornication would remove brightness from the face of the practicing person because of the deprivation to enjoy full personal satisfaction, physically and spiritually. Such a person would feel low in morals and attitude. Thus, such a person would turn into an animal, in the shape of a human being. All what such a person cares for and interested in is to satisfy his sexual desire, regardless of the means. Furthermore, adultery would also cause a person to face poverty because of the huge amounts of money he would spend on such unlawful sexual activities. Such a person would exert lot of efforts and wastes lot of valuable personal energies as well, that he might have utilized it in a better and more productive form. Thus, spending such wealth and energy causes constant regret. Indulging in unlawful sexual activities would cause great harms to the health. In fact, adultery is a major health hazard. Thus, adultery and fornication would shorten the life span of a person because of the potential diseases that may endanger his life and possibly cut it short.
Illegitimate children: Such children are deprived the normal care and custody of real loving parents. As a result, such children would lack the objective and proper guidance and direction in their lives. No one, other than the real parents, could offer an honest, truthful, and meaningful guidance to a child. Consequently, such deprived class of children would grow up to be uncontrolled and full of hatred to the rest of the society members. Anna Freud, in her book Children without Families, comments on the psychological disorders that can’t be corrected by a psychiatric specialist except with great difficulties[70].
Psychological disorders:Unlawful sexual relationships would lead to a lot of psychological diseases and disorders. People who practice and maintain such unlawful relationships would develop unease, lack of personal happiness and satisfaction, inferiority complex, guilt, and self-discern as a result of practicing unlawful sexual relationships. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Rum (30:21):” And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts]: verily in that are Signs for those who reflect”.
Sexual confusion leads to moral confusion in the society. It is a well-established fact that money could easily trap and lure people to do anything evil. Money also enables a person to get all what he likes in terms of pleasures and satisfaction. Thus, if those who are practicing unlawful satisfactions lack the needed funds, they may commit any type of crime to satisfy their needs. Such individuals may steal, cheat, molest, rape, lie, deceive, bribe, or even kill in order to get what they want. They do not care where, or how they get the needed funds, even if this is on the account of others.
Descending of the Wrath promised by Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) promised the communities where adultery and fornication is practiced or condoned, to receive one of the severest punishments. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” My Ummah, nation would continue to enjoy a blessed life so long as illegitimate children are not produced in their society. When illegitimate children become available in the society, then the punishment of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) would become imminent” [71].
——————————————————————————–
[23] Sayyid Sabeq, ‘Fiqhu-Sunnah’, Vol.2, P.7.
[24] Bukhari and Muslim reported this Hadith.
[25] Abu Daoud reported this Hadith.
[26] Muslim reported this Hadith.
[27] Tirmithi reported this Hadith.
[28] Tirmithi reported this Hadith.
[29] Tirmithi reported this Hadith.
[30] Ibn Majah reported this Hadith.
[31] Bukhari reported this Hadith.
[32] All reports of Hadith except for Muslim reported this Hadith.
[33] Ahmad and Nasai reported this Hadith.
[34] Uqiyah is a weight.
[35] Ahmad, Tirmithi and Nasai reported this Hadith.
[36] Bukhari and Muslim reported this Hadith.
[37] All the members of the group of narrator reported this Hadith.
[38] Bukhari reported this Hadith.
[39] Muslim reported this Hadith.
[40] Abu Dawoud and Tirmithi reported this Hadith.
[41] Bukhari reported this Hadith.
[42] Bukhari reported this Hadith.
[43] Ahmad reported this Hadith.
[44] Muslim reported this Hadith.
[45] Ahmad reported this Hadith.
[46] Abu Daoud and Tirmithi reported this Hadith.
[47] Tirmithi reported this Hadith.
[48] Muslim reported this Hadith.
[49] All the reporters of Hadith except for Muslim reported this Hadith.
[50] Bukhari and Muslim reported this Hadith.
[51] Bukhari reported this Hadith.
[52] Abu Ya’la reported this Hadith.
[53] Al-Moghni, Vol.8, P.137.
[54] Muslim reported this Hadith.
[55] Bukhari and Muslim reported this Hadith.
[56] Ahmad reported this Hadith.
[57] Ahmad, Abu Daoud and Nasai reported this Hadith.
[58] Ahmad and Abu Daoud reported this Hadith.
[59] Ahmad reported this Hadith.
[60] Tirmithi reported this Hadith.
[61] Muslim reported this Hadith.
[62] Muslim reported this Hadith.
[63] Tirmithi reported this Hadith.
[64] Ahmad and Tabarani reported this Hadith.
[65] Muslim reported this Hadith.
[66] Abu Daoud and Nasai reported this Hadith.
[67] Abu Daoud and Hakim reported this Hadith.
[68] In the Shade of Quran, Sayyid Qutub.
[69] Baihaqi reported this Hadith.
[70] Man between Materialism and Islam, Mohammed Qutub.
[71] Ahmad reported this Hadith.

Islamic Perspective of Sex:Islam and Female Protection

Posted in Books on Marriage, Sexual Issues on June 26, 2007 by Shaz

Islamic Perspective of Sex

Abdur-Rahman A. Al-Sheha 

Islam and Female Protection


The real intent of Islam underlying all the rulings, restrictions, procedures, and commands for women is their own protection. Islam aims at preserving their honor, and upholding their dignity. Travel usually requires a lot of efforts and other expenses. Women, by nature are weak [in comparison with men]. Women are bound to have menses, after birth confinement, child nursing, and pregnancy. Women are, also, easily vulnerable to deception, as they usually follow their emotions, which may be, at times, misleading. Women are commonly passionate and easily influenced by the environment. A woman needs some kind of protection against evil people while traveling. Generally, a woman may not be able to defend herself physically against others due to her very nature. She also needs someone to care for her properly and take care of her needs. Islam requires a Mahram, immediate relative of a woman to take care of all her needs and provide her the best security and safety he could. Islam requires this from a Mahram, in order to suffice women any need for a stranger.
Islam and personal desires

Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) commands a man, who glances a woman, which stimulates his sexual instinct to return home to his family [if he is a married man] and approach his wife. This should facilitate him to satisfy his sexual desires in a lawful and proper manner. By the same token, he would be deterred from the trap of satanic way of seduction. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” A woman approaches in a shape of Satan and walks away in the same shape. Therefore, if a [married man] notices [physically] something of a woman that arouses him [sexually], let such a man go back to his home and approach his wife. Doing so would cool him if” [21].
Islam commands both spouses to satisfy their personal [sexual] desire with each other when either spouse is interested to do so. Islam bans a woman to refuse her husband’s request to satisfy his needs. If a woman denies her husband’s request, he may be led to evil thoughts searching for unlawful sources of satisfaction, or else, he would develop mental pressure. Both such situations are detrimental, both physically and mentally. Islam, therefore, is insistent on this issue. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” If a man calls his wife to sleep with him and she does not respond, causing him to be angry with her, angels will [continue] to curse her until the morning” [22].
Islam applies the same towards the husband. A husband must satisfy his wife’s sexual desire in order to protect her against evil thoughts and actions as well. Ibn Hazm, a renowned Muslim scholar comments as follows: “A husband must have an intercourse with his wife once a month, in the least possible ways, while he is capable of doing so. Otherwise, such a person is disobeying Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). The evidence to this from Quran is from Sura Baqarah (2:222):” But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for you by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean”.
Islam entitles a wife to seek a court judgment against her husband if he neglects to satisfy her sexual needs as well. This just and safe way maintains the peace, equality, and satisfaction in the family and society.
Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) promised individuals, who attempt to spread chaos and evil activities in the Islamic community to pour on them the severest penalty. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura al-Nur (24:19):” Those who love [to see] scandal published broadcast among the Believers, will have a grievous Penalty in this life and in the Hereafter: Allah knows, and ye know not”.
If this is the case of the scandalous individuals, what about the doers and supporters of such unlawful activities? Surely, it is much more disastrous.
——————————————————————————–
[21] Muslim reported this Hadith.
[22] Abu Daoud and Nasai reported this Hadith

Islamic Perspective of Sex:Islam and Sexual Stimulants

Posted in Books on Marriage, Sexual Issues on June 26, 2007 by Shaz

Islamic Perspective of Sex

Abdur-Rahman A. Al-Sheha 

Islam and Sexual Stimulants


Islam bans all actions that lead to arouse the sex other than the permissible. Islam, out of precautious, bans all activities that lead to unlawful practices. It is a bare fact that when a person is sexually aroused and overwhelmed with sexual emotions he would be tempted to involve even in prevented courses. Such a person will not hesitate to resort to any means to gratify his sexual passions. Such a sexually charged and aroused person may tend to discharge such drive unlawfully. The sexual prevention may be attained with mutual consent of the two parties involved, or by force, or rape. Both, adults and minors may participate in such unlawful activities. Some individuals may tend to discharge it by another unlawful mean that is homosexual, lesbian, or masturbation. All the above-cited forms are unlawful in Islam.
Means to Restrict Stimulants
Islam commands to apply the following methodology in order to restrict sexual intercourse:

Islam commands parents to separate male and female children, who reach the age of puberty and maturity as they sleep. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” Command your children to [begin] offering prayers [on a regular basis] at age seven. [Then] discipline them if they don’t maintain it [on a regular basis] when they become ten years of age. [Moreover] separate [male children from females] when they sleep at that age” [12].

Islam ordains, through Allah’s Messenger’s command and instruction (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), to avoid any contact between males and females while sleeping together alone in the same bed or room. Such contact may arouse the potential sexual urges.
Islam ordains that Muslim women be segregated from stranger males. This is ordained, Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) knows best, in order to maintain the honor and preserve the dignity of both and in order to avoid any sexual intimacy between both. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Ahzab [The Confederates] (33:59):” Oh Prophet! Tell thy wives and daughters, and the believing women, that they should cast their outer garments over their persons [when abroad]: that is most convenient, that they should be known [as such] and not molested. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful”.

Islam, however, gave a permission to the elder, unmarriageable ladies, who are neither sexually desirous nor sexually attractive, to wear normal modest attire such as long garments and basic head cover [other than covering the face] and do not wear any facial makeup, to appear as such before stranger males. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Nur [The Light] (24:60):” Such elderly women as are past the prospect of marriage, there is no blame on them if they lay aside their [outer] garments, provided they make not a wanton display of their beauty: but it is best for them to be modest: and Allah is One Who sees and knows all things”.
Islam commands to protect and lower the eyesight against all unlawful scenes. Eyesight may generate a sexual desire in the eyes of the beholder. As such, this may develop later on to a wanting, eager and meditating evil desire, and eventually executing these desires, unlawfully. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Nur [The Light] (24:30-31):” Say to the Believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and Allah is well acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what [must ordinarily] appear thereof…”.

Furthermore, Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” The look [of the eyesight] is a poisonous arrow of Iblis [Satan]” [13].

Imam Ibn-ul-Qayyim is reported to have commented on this issue as follows: “While eyesight or eye contact is the beginning of the sexual stimulants, Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) began with it first, prior to the protection and chastising of the private parts. In fact, all sexual drives begin with an eye contact. Similarly, the greatest fire begins with the smallest fire spark. A person begins with an unlawful look, then this develops into a thought in the mind and heart, then this develops into a step or an action of movement towards the sexual partner, and finally this would end up in a sin of an unlawful sexual intercourse. Therefore, it is wisely said: ‘whoever preserves the following four items, would surely preserve his faith. These are as follows:
Eyesight or looks and gaze.
[Evil] thoughts that cross the mind and heart.
[Sexually seductive] words that are uttered [with evil and unlawful intention] or flirting with women or men.
Steps [that lead to unlawful sexual practices] [14].

Furthermore, as it is potentially possible to unlawfully glance at something, Muslims are commanded not to prolong such unlawful looks. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said to Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) which read as follows:” Oh Ali [Listen]! Don’t continue with looking [at unlawful items], as the first look is [permitted] for you, while the second is not” [15].

Islam urged and encouraged its followers and Believers to seek the Pleasure of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) by protecting their looks. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” Whoever lowers his gaze by not looking at the charms of a [stranger] woman, Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) would substitute him for this with a faith, which he would feel its sweetness in his heart” [16].
Islam ordains both adult and mature males and females to seek permission prior entering any private residence. Such permission, Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) knows best, is ordained in order to avoid looks at any unlawful scene. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Nur [The Light] (24:58):” Oh ye who believe! Let those whom your right hands possess, and the [children] among you who have not come of age ask your permission [before they come to your presence], on three occasions, before morning prayer; the while you take off your clothes for the noonday heat; and after the late-night prayer: these are your three times of undress: outside these times it is not wrong for you or for them to move about attending to each other: thus does Allah make clear the Signs to you: for Allah is full of knowledge and wisdom”.

In addition, Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Nur (24:59):” But when the children among you come of age, let them [also] ask for permission, as do those senior to them [in age]: thus does Allah make clear His Signs to you: for Allah is full of knowledge and wisdom”.
Islam bans impersonation for both sexes; males and females. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)is reported to have said, which read as follows:” May Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) curse impersonating men [as females], and may Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) curse impersonating females [as males]“.
Islam bans listening to sexually oriented songs and the like. Naturally, such acts would mentally prepare and lead normal people to commit unlawful banned sexual practices. In fact, Muslim scholars of early generations described sexually motivating songs and singings: “It is the essential mean for committing adultery”.
Islam bans sitting alone, for an extensive period, with young men, i.e., minor males, especially the attractive looking ones among them. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” The fornication of the eye is to look [at unlawful items or actions]. The fornication of the tongue is to speak [using unlawful words, phrases, terminology, descriptions and stories]. The fornication of the hand is to commit [unlawful acts or actions]. The fornication of the foot is to walk [even steps] to an unlawful place or activity. The fornication of the ear is to listen [to unlawful items such as songs, stories, words, secrets and the like]. Yet, the human soul wishes for all of that or promises to obtain. However, the private parts would either confirm [any of these actions and activities] or falsify them”.
Islam bans male Muslims to be alone with any female, other than immediate relatives that are not permissible for marriage, or a spouse. Such privacy may lead to satanic seduction. Consequently, this may lead to adulterous acts or fornication. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” Any man, who sits in a privacy with a female, [whom he can marry], would be accompanied by Satan as the third companion to the two” [17].

In fact, Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) explained the best method to be with a female saying, which read as follows:” A man must not be alone with a woman, unless one of her male (Mahram) immediate relatives [i.e., a husband, a father, a son, a brother, a nephew, a grandson] is present with them” [18].
Islam further bans any mingled activities. This is because such activities and meeting may lead to suspicious relationships between non-related males and females. In fact, Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala)states in Quran Sura Ahzab [The Confederates] (33:53):” And when ye ask [his one of his wives] for anything ye want ask them from behind a barrier [partition]: that makes for greater purity for your hearts and for theirs”.

Professor Muhammad Qutub in his book, ‘Man between Materialism and Islam’, comments as follows:” Innocent co-ed was a mammoth myth came from the West [i.e., Europe and the North Hemisphere]. The West, at the beginning of its dissolvence, wanted to treat its’ sexual pressure. The Western social scientists and psychologists exaggerated the immense value of co-ed. Later, they denied it all and never mentioned it after that. They truly discovered the real picture and results of co-ed. As such, physiatrists, psychologists, and neurologists withdrew completely from their previous opinion regarding co-ed. Those even denied slow dance [innocent] parties, co-ed tea parties, and co-ed picnics under the supervision of parents and teachers. Today, the same scholars claim that any co-ed meeting would stir the sex and not the opposite. The personal feelings may be suppressed, or they are forced to be suppressed because of social circumstances. At other times, such personal feelings would be suppressed due to shyness before other people. Consequently, suppression of personal feelings would instigate psychological or mental anxiety and apprehension. Such anxiety occurs because of the social co-ed meetings. At such point, one of two things may take place. A young male may seek a different place where he can freely practice his personal feelings and emotions without any barriers or controls. Or else, the young male would remain under severe anxiety that may lead to certain disorders. Therefore, we can easily wonder: “What an innocent meeting these co-ed meetings are!”
Islam bans a wife to describe the physical details of another woman. This is so to prevent the slightest attraction of that married man to the other woman. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)is reported to have said, which read as follows:” A woman must not see another woman [exposed in a private females meeting], then describes the details of that woman to her husband” [19].
Islam bans women to get out of their homes wearing full make up and perfume. Such a practice would attract the attention of males to them. As such, the woman may be trapped into unlawful relationships with males who are awaiting such opportunities.

Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Ahzab [The Confederates] (33:33):” And stay quietly in your houses, and make not a dazzling display, like that of the former Times of Ignorance”.

In fact, Islam bans a female to speak softly and in an attractive tone with a male who is not related to her. This practice is a mean of protection for the female against males who are desirous for adultery and fornication. A female Muslim must speak with a male only as necessary. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Ahzab [The Confederates] (33:33):” Oh Consorts of the Prophet! Ye are not like any of the [other] women: if ye do fear [Allah], be not too complaisant of speech, lest one in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire: but speak ye a speech [that is] just”.
Islam further bans nudity and displaying women’s physical attractions. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Aaraaf [The Heights] (6:26):” Oh ye Children of Adam! We have bestowed raiment upon you to cover your shame, as well as to be an adornment to you. However, the raiment of righteousness, that is the best. Such are among the Signs of Allah, that they may receive admonition!”.
Islam instructs women allowed to appear before lawful relatives to do so with casual clothes and ornamentations. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Nur [The Light] (24:31):” …and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers or their brothers’ sons, or their sisters’ sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And, Oh ye Believers! Turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain Bliss”.
Islam bans a woman to travel alone. A woman must travel with an immediate relative described earlier as Mahram. This escort or companion must be one of the following relatives: a husband, a father, a brother, or a relative whom she is not allowed to marry on a permanent basis. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” A woman must not travel without a Mahram. No male must enter the privacy of a woman without an immediate Mahram is available with that woman. A man raised a question to Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) saying: Oh Messenger of Allah! My wife set out to perform pilgrimage while I have registered for such and such Ghazwah [Fighting Troops, what should I do?]. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) instructed the man as follows: Go and join your wife for pilgrimage” [20].
——————————————————————————–
[12] Ahmad and Abu Dawoud reported this Hadith.
[13] Ahmad reported this Hadith.
[14] Ibn-ul-Qayyim, ‘al-Jawab-ul-Kafi liman Saala ‘an al-Jawabi-sh-shafi’ [The Sufficient Answer for the Person Who Asks for the Healing Medicine], P.172.
[15] Ahmad, Abu Daoud and Tirmithi reported this Hadith.
[16] Tabarani and Hakim reported this Hadith.
[17] Tirmithi reported this Hadith.
[18] Bukhari and Muslim reported this Hadith.
[19] Ahmad reported this Hadith.
[20] Bukhari and Muslim reported this Hadith.

Islamic Perspective of Sex: Islam & Sex

Posted in Books on Marriage, Sexual Issues on June 26, 2007 by Shaz

Islamic Perspective of Sex

Abdur-Rahman A. Al-Sheha

Islam and Sex
Islam considers sex as one of the essential human needs that must be properly satisfied. It is a necessity of the human being that. It require favorable consideration. In fact, Islam considers it one of the requirements of life that should be properly and lawfully satisfied. Moreover, Islam does not treat it as a distasteful, filthy, or heinous act of man. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in the Glorious Quran Sura Al-Imran [The Family of Imran] (3:14):” Fair in the eyes of men is the love of things they covet: women and sons; heaped-up hoards of gold and silver; horses branded [for blood and excellence]; and [wealth of] cattle and well-tilled land. Such are the possessions of this world’s life; but in nearness to Allah is the best of the goals [to return to]“.

In addition, Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which reads as follows:” Three items of this world were made attracted [or likeable] to me: women, perfume [but] the [utmost] pleasure of my eyes [soul] is in prayer”[1].

In fact, Islam forbids controlling and deprivation of the sexual behavior. This is, simply, because Islam is the natural religion commensurate to pure human innate. Islam does not, at any time, conflict with the requirements of the human’s requirements or desires. Islam rather attempts to answer and fulfill all human needs and requirements. Islam does so by setting certain lawful limits and restrictions to ensure satisfying these needs in a right and lawful manner. Islam endeavors to keep the sex within the framework of human needs and elevates it above the savage and uncivilized way. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which reads as follows:” People enter Jannah, Paradise mostly based on Taqwa of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) [full respect and obedience of the Commands of Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)], and based on their good conduct. [While] most people enter the Hellfire because of the [ill use] of the mouth and private parts”[2].

We shall attempt to present in this booklet, the method, which Islam instituted for Muslims to regulate the use of the sex. In fact, Islam sets the mode for the better advancement of man, if he follows the Islamic rules on the subject. Islam looks at the proper use of the sex as an act of worship, Ibadah. A Muslim would be rewarded when he practices this act, as he is rewarded when he does any other acts of prescribed types of worship. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) alluded to this concept when he said, which reads as follows:” [A Muslim] would have an intercourse with his spouse ad would be rewarded for it. The Companions (may Allah be pleased with him) asked: Oh Messenger of Allah! A person would be rewarded while satisfying his sexual need? Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) replied: Yes. Isn’t it that he would be punished had he practiced sex illegally? The same applies if a Muslim practiced a lawful intercourse with his spouse. As such, he would be rewarded”[3].

The only acceptable way for sexual satisfaction in Islam is a lawful “marriage”. In fact, Islam urges Muslims to seek marriage and encourages them to practice it. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which reads as follows:” Whoever is financially capable of marriage but does not marry, he does not belong to Me [i.e., Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)]” [4].

” Islam regards marriage as a natural necessity in order to achieve tranquility and peace of mind for the Muslim. To the society, Islam regards marriage as a place to foster love, affection, closeness, and self-denial. Further, Islam regards marriage as a requirement to maintain the human race. Yet, Islam regards marriage as a mean for better moral values, preservation of honor and dignity, and preservation of the moral values of the human society. Thus, neglecting marriage or rejecting it is regarded as a denial of all the normal human behaviors and pure code of social ethics”[5].

Hence, the objective of marriage in Islam is to achieve tranquility and peace of mind for both spouses. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Rum (30:21):” And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts]: verily in that are Signs for those who reflect”.

In fact, one of the objectives of marriage is to protect both spouses against indulgence in unlawful sexual practices that may lead to corruption and immoral acts [such as prostitution, fornication and adultery or else] in the society. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Baqarah (2:187):” They are your garments and ye are their garments”.

Undoubtedly, there are certain individuals who reject the call of Islam for purity and chastity. Such individuals advocate unliceneced sexual freedom. We believe that such people do not enjoy a normal and natural human satisfaction. As for Islam, it refuses to degrade Believers to the state of lower creatures, such as animals. Animals alone are left to practice sexual freedom as they wish and without any restrictions. Islam regards it a great sin for man to place his semen in a womb that is unlawful to him. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) states, whihc read as follows:” There is no greater sin after the sin of associating partners with Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala), than a man placing his semen in a womb [private part of a woman] that is unlawful for him to place” [6].
Islam and Purity
Islam instructs Believers purity and chastity. Islam further bestows on Believers on dignity and honor. Islam guides and directs its followers in the right direction by which they would be, Allah willing, morally respectable and productive. Listen to the story of the young man who came to Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) asking him to permit him to practice adultery, as he can’t live without it, after embracing Islam. The Companions (may Allah be pleased with him) loudly rejected the young man appeal and denied it wholeheartedly. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), however, called the young man closer to him and said, which reads as follows:” Do you accept [to see] your mother committing adultery?” The young man replied negatively. Thus, Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, which reads as follows:” As such, other people refuse to see their mothers [or any other female in their families] being indulgent in adultery. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) further asked the young man, which reads as follows:” Do you accept [to see] your sister committing adultery?” The young man replied negatively. Thus, Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, which reads as follows:” As such, other people refuse to see their sisters committing adultery as well”. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) further asked, which reads as follows:” Do you accept [to see] your daughter committing adultery?” The young man replied negatively. Thus, Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, which reads as follows:” As such, other people refuse to see their daughters committing adultery as well”. Thus, we notice that Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was not harsh at all on the young man, but he rather prayed for the well-being of this young man saying:” Oh Allah! Purify the heart of this young man, chastise his private parts, and enable him to lower his gaze”. This young man is reported to have said:” By Allah! I had never sought unlawful relations again ever” [7].

This is Islam. It is a religion that doesn’t condone monasticism and total negligence of the worldly affairs. Islam doesn’t to reject all worldly goods and pleasures completely. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)is reported to have said, which reads as follows:” By Allah! I am, Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), the most God respectful amongst you and most obedient to His Commands. However, I observe fast [for some days] and break it [for other days]. I [stand up during the night] offering prayers [for some time], and I also sleep [some times of the night]. I also marry [women]. Hence, whoever chooses any other way, other than my Sunnah, tradition, he doesn’t belong to me” [8].

Islam doesn’t condone a blind and uncontrolled satisfaction of personal whims and caprices. Muhammad Qutub, the renowned contemporary Muslim scholar, says:” We can find no problem for ’sex’ in Islam. Islam erects barriers before all human desires, including sex, which do not totally block them or deny them. Nevertheless, Islam rather, elevates and controls such human desires. Islam designs these barriers like that of the regulating devices on a river during flood seasons. As such, the regulating devices attempt to raise the level of water temporarily to a level that can’t normally reach, then it let the water run at a higher level. Similarly, Islam controls the level of human desires by raising it to a higher plateau. Islam sets rules and regulations for the sex not to restrict or deny it completely, but rather to permit it within the scope that Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala)permits to practice such human desires. These are the limits set by Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) as He states in the Glorious Quran Sura Baqarah (2:229):” These are the limits ordained by Allah; so do not transgress them if any do transgress the limits ordained by Allah, such persons wrong [themselves as well as others]“. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) , in His vast wisdom knows that these are the “safe” and “secured” limits to drain such energies stored in man through human desires. By releasing such energies in an organized, controlled and safe manner, man can achieve a great level of success for himself and his society. Nevertheless, even Jahiliyah, state of ignorance, acknowledges the necessity to organize, regulate, and control all the human desires, except for “sex”. Sex, among all human desires drives, is the crazy one. Imagine if such a crazy drive is left without control, regulation, and restrictions, what would happen to the society, its morals, honor, and individuals? Jahiliyah doesn’t permit the drive and desire of ownership without regulations. If such a desire left unrestricted, we could see man wanting to possess and own whatever he likes, through any mean. However, man made laws classify such acts as a punishable crime of theft by law. The same is practiced insofar as the food, clothing and housing drives and desires. All these drives and desires are controlled by laws and not left for personal or emotional whims”[9].
Islam and Marriage
Islam commands its followers to marry as early as they are able. Muslims should not fear poverty nor should they apprehend increase of family members as result of marriage, and thus, because of that, they stay away from marriage. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Nur [The Light] (24:32):” Marry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones among your slaves, male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His Grace: for Allah encompasseth all, and He knoweth all things”.

Moreover, Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which reads as follows:” Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) takes it upon Himself to help three types of people. These are: A warrior, who is striving in the cause of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). A contracted slave, who wants to pay off the value set for his freedom of slavery, and, a person, who seeks marriage to chastise himself” [10].

If a male Muslim can’t afford to marry because of poverty, he is commanded to chastise himself. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Nur [The Light] (24:33):” Let those who find not the wherewithal for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah gives them means out of His Grace”.

Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) gives advice that makes it easier to a certain extent for a person, who is unable to marry for dearth of marriage expenses. This advice harnesses his desire to marry and enables him to control his sexual desires. Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which reads as follows:” Oh young men! Whoever is capable [financially and otherwise] to [afford the expenses] of marriage, let him do so. [Marriage] helps one control his eyesight and chastise his private parts. But, he who can’t afford the marriage expenses, let him observe fast as it would [act] as a protector for him” [11].

The Glorious Quran further illustrated the best example of subduing the sexual drive in the story of Prophet Yousuf (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) [Joseph]. Prophet’s Yousuf (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) story is set as one of the best examples for the Muslim youth. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Yousuf (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) (12:23-24):” But she in whose house he was, sought to seduce him from his [true] self: she fastened the doors, and said: Now come, thou [dear one]! he said: Allah forbid! Truly [thy husband] is my lord! He made my sojourn agreeable! Truly to no good come those who do wrong! And [with passion] did she desire him, and he would have rejected her, but that he saw the evidence of his Lord: thus [did We order] that We might turn away from him [all] evil and shameful deeds: for he was one of Our servants, sincere and purified”.

Yousuf (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) overlooked the adverse results stemming from his denial to the request of the prestigious lady. The result of rejecting her request for evil acts was imprisonment. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Yousuf (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) (12:32-34):” She said: There before you is the man about whom ye did blame me! I did seek to seduce him from his [true] self but he did firmly save himself guiltless! And now, if he doth not my bidding, he shall certainly be cast into prison and [what is more] be of the company of the vilest! He said: O my Lord! The prison is more to my liking than that to which they invite me: unless Thou turn away their snare from me, I should [in my youthful folly] feel inclined towards them and join the ranks of the ignorant. So his Lord hearkened to him [in his prayer], and turned away from him their snare: verily He heareth and knoweth [all things]“.
——————————————————————————–
[1] Amad and Nasai report this Hadith.
[2] Trimithi reported this Hadith.
[3] Ahmad reported this Hadith.
[4] Al-Baihaqi reported this Hadith.
[5] Al-Kholi, al-Bahi, ‘Woman Between Home and Society’.
[6] Ahmad reported this Hadith.
[7] Tabarani reported this Hadith.
[8] Bukhari and Muslim reported this Hadith.
[9] The Islamic Education Curriculum, Dar-al-Shuruq, Vol.2, P.218-9.
[10] Tirmithi reported this Hadith.
[11] Bukhari and Muslim reported this Hadith.

Islamic Perspective of Sex : Introduction

Posted in Books on Marriage on June 26, 2007 by Shaz

Islamic Perspective of Sex 

Abdur-Rahman A. Al-Sheha

Introduction
All Praise is due to Allah. May Allah’s Peace and Blessings be upon His slave servant Messenger Mohammed (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), and his rightly guided Companions, his family members and his progeny.

Islam assigns man value over and above the rest of the creations. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) created a pair of male and female. He knows best. Human reproduction is impossible without the existence of such a complementary pair. This co-existence complements each other.

Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) created the male and the female in a perfect order that indicates His Greatness. Each one is granted a specific mission.

Both, male and female have a specific role to play in this life. No one should defy his role. Therefore, Islam illustrated these various roles in order to leave no room for speculations.

This booklet is an attempt to shed some light on various issues related to this important subject.

There are vague ideas about sex in Islam in the minds of the non-Muslims who accuse Islam with so many unfair and groundless accusations. We are trying to present Islamic views about an important issue in the life of man on earth. If the viewpoint of Islam becomes clear in the minds of critics, it is hoped that they would understand the rational underlying Islamic standpoint.

We pray Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) to enable us to achieve the objective we set out to do in this booklet for the benefit of our fellow men. If we succeed, that is by Allah’s (subhanahu wa ta’ala) Grace. If we don’t, it is our own shortcoming.

We hope this booklet would be an interesting, beneficial and instructive.

Abdur-Rahman A. Al-Sheha
P.O. Box 59565,
Riyadh 11535,
Saudi Arabia.

Islamic Perspective of Sex : Translator’s Word

Posted in Books on Marriage on June 26, 2007 by Shaz

Islamic Perspective of SexAbdur-Rahman A. Al-Sheha

Translator’s Word
Sex is a subject that has overwhelmed the minds of many people. Sex is an urge and human desire that should be fulfilled. Islam therefore, does not neglect this vital and important issue in the human life.

The segregation of men and women in Islam, as well as the Prudah, veil of Muslim women, have led many non-Muslims to think derogatory about Islam.

Islam considers the sex experience a unique, private, decent, and meaningful. Consequently, all related issues must be dealt with on the same principle.

Islam sets limits enabling both spouses to live in peace and harmony; yet, each spouse is entitled for specific rights and demanded certain duties from each. This is to run the family affairs in the best manner.

The author, in this book, attempts to present the viewpoint of Islam concerning sex and the explanations underlying specific man-woman relationship.

I hope that this book would offer a general bird view for those who are interested to know the standpoint of Islam about this important social issue.

For more details and further information, we advise to explore further readings on the subject.

The translator, and his editor, exerted every possible human effort to present an authentic, accurate, and committed translation to the spirit of the original text as much as possible.

Quranic verses were quoted from Harf automated Quran and its translation of the meanings. Only minor editing was done to the text of the translation as deemed fit and suitable. The reader must keep in mind that the “words” of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) are matchless and cannot be exactly translated to mean what Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) connotes. Therefore, the human efforts could only go to a humble extent of translating what appears to him the close, immediate, and right meaning. The translator likes to make candid this point here as to indicate that the presented translation is only for the apparent meanings of the verses. The actual Arabic text of the verses is cited, the translation is placed right underneath it, and both are indented to illustrate that these are direct quotation from Quran.

The translator did the same for the text of Hadith. The best effort was put in order to render the closest meaning to the actual text in Arabic.

If there is any shortcoming, the translator requests our dear readers to overlook, or point it out to him in writing. He is grateful to all those who point out his shortcomings in order to avoid them in the future work, InshaAllah God willing.

Muslims and non-Muslims alike must learn the viewpoint of Islam on sex and marriage.

This book, despite its size, is full of wisdom, live examples, true meanings, and super instructions about sex and family life in Islam. It makes the mind thinks and the heart feel the true emotions at times. I heartily and cordially invite every Muslim and non-Muslim to read it and benefit himself/herself accordingly.

I would like to express my sincere thanks and appreciation to the following people: Mr. AbdulRahman al-Sheeha, the author, for his good work and for authorizing me to translate it.

For my dear wife, for being patient, helpful, cooperative and understanding while I was spending long hours of our precious time, working on the book and being away from her.

All those who supported, prayed, directed, and helped, directly or indirectly, have my full appreciation and warmest thanks.

Finally, I hope and pray to the Almighty Allah to accept this humble work for His Cause, blesse all those who worked on it and make it beneficial to all readers. I request the readers kindly and sincerely to pray for my soul and if they come across any mistake or oversight to forgive and pardon. Readers are kindly requested to contact me either through writing to my address below, or through the publisher’s address, or they may contact me through the email address dabas47@yahoo.com.

Mohammed Said Dabas, PhD.
P.O. Box 122.
Aroba St. Tayyar Agency.
Riyadh, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia 11361.

Islamic Perspective of Sex: Foreword

Posted in Books on Marriage, Sexual Issues on June 26, 2007 by Shaz

Islamic Perspective of Sex

Abdur-Rahman A. Al-Sheha

Foreword to the Book
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Universe, the Creator and the Sustainer. There is no deity worthy of worship except He. And may Allah’s Peace and Blessings be upon Prophet Muhammad, His Companions, His Family and followers all.

The issue of sex has occupied a prominent position in the human thinking and activity. There is so much preoccupation with sex, which has led to remarkable studies and research dealing with the nature of sexual behavior, its arousal, its use and abuse. Sex, as a human activity, has led to deviant behavior and abuse of its pure human need by the sex industry all over the world.

Sex, as a need and behavior, has been fully dealt with in Islam. Islam is a comprehensive system of life that takes into account the spiritual, the social, the physical and all human needs. Furthermore, Islam has recognized these needs, organized them and has described proper ways of their fulfillment. One of these needs is the sexual. Islam viewed the sexual act as sacred, private and a source of human reproduction. Therefore, it is recognized within the family context only.

Throughout the Islamic history, Muslim scholars and writers have tackled the issue of “sex in Islam”. Within the same line of thinking comes this contribution by Br. Abdul Rahman Al-Sheha. In this book, the author provided the Islamic perspective on sex, purity and chastity. Furthermore, the author tackled the issue of “sexual stimulants” especially those beyond the sacred bond between the husband and wife. Therefore, Al-Sheha stated:” Islam bans all actions that lead to arouse the sex other than the permissible. Islam, out of precaution, bans all activities that lead to unlawful practices”. The Glorious Quran says:”
Say to the believing men
That they should lower
Their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make
For greater purity for them:
And God is well acquainted
With all that they do
And say to believing women
That they should lower
Their gaze and guard
Their modesty; that they
Should not display their
Beauty and ornaments except
What (must ordinarily) appear
Thereof; that they should
Draw their veils over
Their bosoms and not display
Their beauty … ” (24:31-32)

In order to prevent social ills, Islam has promoted the marriage institution. Islam permits Muslims to satisfy their sexual needs only through lawful marriage. i.e., the relationship between the husband and the wife in the traditional structure of the family. Accordingly, Islam emphasized the importance of building the family on solid foundations. A primary step in this process is the selection of the wife and the selection of the husband. A second step is a lawful meeting of a prospective bride, a marriage contract and the establishment of a happy family guided by the divine revelation.

Brother Al-Sheha has also tackled other issues that assure the continuity of the family structure. Some of these steps deal with the issues of sexual fulfillment, happiness, harmony and family peace. Furthermore, he spelled out the rights of spouses upon each other. Finally, he addressed the issue of divorce in Islam, which is considered as the most “hated” lawful act in Islam. He explained its meaning and conditions.

This book is very informative, well researched and scholarly written. I ask Allah-Glory Be to Him- to reward the author for his work. I think that this book is of great benefit for Muslims and non-Muslims in their quest to live by the divine teachings that promote chastity, modesty and happiness.

Ahmad Ibn Saifuddin Turkistani, Ph.D.
Director of the Institute of Islamic and Arabic sciences in America.

Thinking About Abortion

Posted in Problems in Marriage, Sexual Issues, Uncategorized on June 21, 2007 by Shaz

by

Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood.

I was recently asked some very important questions on the subject of abortion. My questioner wished to know whether abortion was allowed at all to a Muslim woman, and if so, did it have to be within the first 40 days of the pregnancy? There was also the mention of a period of 120 days. And if abortion was allowed, could it be for any reason before that number of days? Why should there be any reason why abortion should not be allowed, since the presumption in Islam was presumably that the soul, if such a thing existed, had not yet entered the body of the unborn child?

The questioner agreed that it was not legal in Islam to kill a person outside the grounds stated in the Qur’an, but if the soul had not yet entered the body, then surely in reality no person other than the mother was actually involved – what would be aborted would be only the processing of a human before the process was complete.

The questioner also considered the situation that if a mother and father were married and already had children, and both agreed that they did not want to have more children, and both wished to abort the unwanted pregnancy, then surely they need not feel any guilt for doing it? Surely, if the people concerned did not believe that they were committing any sin in having an abortion, then they would not feel any guilt at any time – in a similar manner to a judge who passed a death sentence. It could be the case that if the abortion did not take place, then the parents would have to bear the burden of rearing that child for the rest of their lives, when they might not be prepared or able to do so. It only left the suffering of the foetus to be taken into consideration, and one could deal with its death in the same way as for any other dead person whose soul has departed.

I will do my best to give sensible thoughts on all the above issues. The subject is emotive, and a very sad one – for no-one is happy to consider the suffering that goes hand in hand with any unwanted pregnancy, or unwanted child, born or unborn.

As for a judge not feeling guilt when sentencing a person to death, I think the questioner is mistaken. Having known several judges, I can assure you executing a criminal is not a light matter for them, and they do continue to be affected in many ways, into later life. Can the judge really be totally convinced of the identity of a murderer from the evidence – or that he/she was in no way of unsound mind, or was definitely guilty beyond any shadow of doubt? One of my judge friends used to say (in the Prophet’s words) that he would far rather be merciful and let a guilty person go free than execute an innocent one.

Many young women (and older ones) are certainly able to convince their minds that abortion is not really a serious matter, and blank it out – those who think it is important also do that, or the pain would be too much to bear. However, psychologists will assure you that the majority of women bitterly regret in later life that they had a child aborted, and never really get over it, suffering feelings of guilt, immense sadness and loss. They may get away temporarily without suffering much guilt or trauma, but they cannot forget that they have killed their own child, and can never stop wondering what that child might have been. If they suppress their emotions and grief, it may have very adverse effects upon them in the way of depression and so on. For a Muslim woman it is worse, for Islam teaches that in the Afterlife, the ‘unborn’ child will ask why it was killed, and that those who killed it must make amends.

Even if she does not feel guilt, we still have to wonder how the mother will feel when she meets that child, as God wills, in the Hereafter. No doubt the child’s soul will console the mother, but it will still be a very hard thing. There is no detail of our lives from which we can escape the consequences. Insha’Allah, let us hope that in God’s compassion wounds may be healed at last.

Firstly, why should any abortion be necessary? The conception of an unwanted child has not happened by magic, but the child has a father and mother. Why should any woman wish to abort her own conceived child? In fact, there are numerous reasons, including innocent girls being seduced without realising until too late what was happening, rape, carelessness, mothers thinking they are past childbearing age and leaving off contraception, contraception being used but used inadequately or failing. Many thousands of examples in each category take place daily. I personally experienced conception whilst I was ‘on the pill’, and I know of umpteen cases of broken condoms, or condoms coming off prematurely!

When considering any question concerning abortion, one has to bear in mind primarily the rights, the sufferings and the fate of three people – the father of the child, the mother of the child, and the child itself. There are also other relatives who may be involved in the matter, especially – usually – the mother’s mother. It is sometimes the case that the maternal grandmother goes through more mental suffering than anyone else involved, but for the moment let us leave that aside.

Many women who discover they have an unwanted or unexpected pregnancy panic, and argue that if they don’t want to have a baby they should be allowed to have control over their own bodies. This turns a blind eye to the rights of the father that implanted the child in them, and the child itself. These women often simply ignore the father and the unborn foetus and go ahead with what they wish to do.

I feel strongly that a father does have some rights over the fate of his seed, and it is a good thing if he feels responsible. All too many boys act thoughtlessly, and assume that if they make girls they do not wish to marry pregnant, they will ‘get away with it’ and not be held to account. All too often, to their dismay, the girl does bear the child and the unwilling father soon finds out that his little boy or girl will most likely grow up somewhere close at hand, and may well look just like him, a constant reminder of his callousness. I have known men in their thirties and forties suffer heartbreak over bastard children they fathered while in their teens and intended to forget.

Being a father involves a great deal of responsibility, including financial responsibility, and that is usually the bit that fathers-who-do-not-wish-to-be-fathers do not want. In today’s world so many people have become ‘hard’, and try to avoid taking responsibilities. They hope to brush things under the carpet. This may work temporarily, or even for the entire length of their earthly lives; but if it is true that we are souls, then the souls of our children will have to be encountered at some stage or other, and fathers will be called to account for their lack of care when impregnating women.

Now, to consider the rights of the mother. She is the one whose body does all the bearing and suffering, both during pregnancy, during childbirth, hormonally for months afterwards, and as a mother for the rest of her life. She should think most seriously before allowing herself to become pregnant. That ‘accidents’ happen is an appalling evidence of how we humans have trivialised the whole attitude towards life. Sometimes a mother feels that she has very good grounds for aborting her child – perhaps she was raped, made pregnant unwillingly, forced, was too young to bear and cope, was not in a position to rear a child, or her life or her mental state would indeed be in danger if she did so. Usually, these are just excuses because the birth of that particular child would not be convenient – but often, there are genuinely very traumatic circumstances. Doctors consider each individual case carefully, and sometimes allow abortion – although it is not something doctors enjoy at all, especially after the 10th week.

The UK law on this issue also has to be considered. The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 1990 allows abortion on the following conditions:

· that the pregnancy has not exceeded its twenty-fourth week and that the continuance of the pregnancy would involve risk greater than if the pregnancy were terminated, of injury to the physical or mental health of the pregnant woman or any existing children of the family; (there is debate to bring this back to 20 weeks)

· that the termination is necessary to prevent grave permanent injury to the physical or mental health of the pregnant woman;

· that the continuance of the pregnancy would involve risk to the life of the pregnant woman greater than if the pregnancy were terminated;

· that there is a substantial risk that if the child were born it would suffer from such physical or mental abnormalities as to be seriously handicapped.

It does not include abortion simply because the child is female – an unpleasant aspect increasing in certain parts of the world (including Islamic ones) where sons are desired above daughters, or where only one child is permitted to a family. In some regions such femicide is seriously affecting the balance of the population.

Even with such provisos, doctors warn that abortion involves killing a living creature, by various methods. None are pleasant. They usually hate aborting unborn children,

We are so shielded from what actually takes place. Some girls think they just have to close their eyes and it will all be magically taken away – wrong! Depending on the age of the foetus, they will still have to have the baby, by some means or other, and if the child is born living it will then be killed or allowed to die. This is always traumatic, especially for medical staff delivering perfectly healthy and valid babies. In the vast majority of cases, abortions do not take place until at least the 12th week, by which time the child is sucking its thumb, can feel pain, and it can be known through ultra-sound photography whether the child will be male or female.

Methods of abortion vary. The living child has to be killed somehow. Frequently it is done by what is called the ‘vacuum’ method. It sounds easy enough, but a sharp medical blade like a razor is introduced on a long instrument through the vagina while the woman is unconscious. The unborn child is cut up, the pieces sucked out by a ‘vacuum’, and the taken-out pieces checked afterwards like a jigsaw. (My own daughter went through this once, and in her case, part of the child was left inside her and she had to be rushed back to hospital for a second operation!)

Feelings about abortion are highly sensitive, because inevitably the mother really is to blame for the death of her child, and the guilt is very real. People are frequently uncomfortable about talking to them about their loss, and this does not help them resolve their grief. Sometimes, if they show grief, family and friends are actually critical, and tell them they are making a fuss about nothing. They feel it is best for the whole unhappy and embarrassing business to be put out of mind as soon as possible.

The mothers may feel ashamed and in a state of panic. The first reaction of many who end a pregnancy they have not wished for is often initially one of relief. Some women who have never given birth do not have fully-developed awareness of the reality of their child, and push aside any feelings of guilt others might try to engender in them. Obviously, many women in these circumstances convince themselves that the foetuses are not real ‘beings’, but just ‘part of their own bodies’.

Sometimes the mother involved is only a young girl, and her parents are very angry with her. Sometimes a grandmother gets angry because she had put up with a great deal more hardship herself in seeking to do the right thing than her daughter seems willing to do. Sometimes the anger is not only because her daughter got pregnant in the first place, but also because she then killed the baby, which, after all, would have been her grandchild. Grandparents should not be overlooked when counselling the bereaved. I have known several cases where the girls involved appeared to all intents and purposes to have forgotten their abortions, but their mothers (like me) remained in grief and shock and continued to pray for the soul of those would-have-been grandchildren for years, if not until their own deaths – perhaps without ever telling their daughters for fear it would be too painful to drag up the memories.

Some women get their guilt much delayed. They may successfully suppress and forget any immediate feelings, but in almost every case, the guilt and unresolved grief will surface later on – perhaps when the woman has more knowledge – and she will have to face the reality of what she has done. She may then be unable to forgive herself, or she may feel God will never forgive her.

Censure and abuse of those who have had abortions is unbecoming. What is not approved is the notion of abortion on demand, for casual social reasons. However, we are not in a position to know all the circumstances involved, as Allah is. Medical practitioners in most societies will terminate pregnancies for various reasons, and usually interpret the ‘threat to life or sanity’ of the mother quite widely. We should remember that very important hadith that people who act wrongly while the balance of mind is disturbed are not held responsible by Allah. Women who have abortions do not do it casually, but many suffer great anguish and distress and pain. They are to be pitied.

Anyone who has seen tiny premature babies struggling for life in the same hospital where other babies of similar age and size are being terminated, will tell you it is not a casual matter at all. At 24 weeks a premature baby has a fair chance of survival. At 20-23 weeks survival is possible, but will often depend on the skill, facilities or even regulations of the hospital and its staff. Can you imagine the grief of the parents of a much-wanted 23-week baby in a hospital that has a cut-off policy at 24 weeks, and simply leaves infants younger than that to die? It sounds incredible, but it happens.

Allah’s law intended that no child would be born outside of marriage, and this is the ideal to be aimed at. In some societies, the harsh solution to the problem of unwed pregnancy is to put the mother to death. Some Muslim societies have even resorted to this, in order to ‘save the honour of the family’ – although to do so is the very opposite of Islam. It is to commit murder and certainly not what the Prophet would have approved of. The Prophet was very familiar with the problem of illegitimate children, and not only was there sensible guidance for recognising their paternity and organising their upbringing, but he ruled that the children themselves were never to be stigmatised for what was not their fault.

To be realistic, where we are Muslims living in a non-Muslim society, the best solution is to encourage a pregnant girl to have her baby and not abort it, and then see to it that both innocent child and foolish mother are properly cared for. If the father of the unwanted child is a Muslim man, I always advise the pregnant women to make sure that his family and the local Imam know about it, in the hopes that they may be able to help in some way, and at least for the grandparents have a chance to exert influence on their son, or at least to establish a relationship with their grandchild.

Sadly, some Muslims (like people in general) are racist and intolerant, and would be shattered if, for example, a Pakistani boy wished to marry a pregnant white girlfriend. It is usually a knee-jerk reaction because love for grandchildren is very powerful, and the thought of the fate of that child might well overcome cultural shame and censure.

Muslims should help solve the problem of unwanted pregnancies by encouraging menfolk to be honourable, responsible, kind and considerate in their sexual activity, and to make sure that their women-folk are adequately protected each time they have intercourse when a pregnancy is not desired.

So, what about the rights of the unborn child? At the stage of an infant before birth, whether or not that child has consciousness and wishes to live is completely unknown to us; the existence of human souls prior to birth is a matter beyond our understanding and knowledge. It may be (as the poet Wordsworth thought, incidentally) that human souls have fully ‘adult’ minds in the realm of life before birth, but on entering the physical realm forget everything, and have to learn all the things pertaining to human knowledge anew as they progress through earthly life. We do not know; we may or may not agree with Buddhists that souls choose their parents (and grandparents), or are sent to earth for particular purposes to learn particular lessons. As Muslims, we believe that if God wishes a particular child to be born, it will be born, and that each soul lives on earth only once.

This is the place to make it very clear that abortion is not the same thing as contraception. Any form of contraception that endeavours to prevent a pregnancy from occurring is generally permissible in Islam, arguing from the hadiths where the Prophet permitted coitus interruptus or the withdrawal method, in which a man comes to climax but withdraws before ejaculation and does not implant his seed in the woman; but any form of contraception that aborts a foetus once conceived is not. Thus such methods as the pill, or the condom sheath are acceptable to most Muslims (with the consent and knowledge of both spouses), whereas the coil or morning-after pill is not, for it aborts rather than prevents pregnancy.

Some argue that both contraception and abortion are forbidden to Muslims, for the simple reason that they are attempts to over-rule the will of Allah. The question then arises of whether any human being could have the power to over-ride the will of Allah? How could a mere human deliberately destroy a soul that was intended to live? Would this not mean that the human did have power to over-rule God? Or conversely, that the outcome, whatever it happens to be, must be God’s will after all? It is a catch 22 situation. Or is it that one could destroy the little forming body, but never the soul?

This is the perennial philosophical problem of the relationship of freewill to determinism, a real puzzle for those of us with finite minds. I do not wish to be sidetracked into that thorny problem in this article – suffice it to say here that Allah certainly has the knowledge and power over the choice of the moment we die, but has at the same time allowed humans the freewill to kill – either to kill another person or to kill themselves. It obviously includes the power to kill a foetus. Killing is not the same thing as dying, do you see what I mean? I guess if Allah knows everything, He must know the times of both – but we are incorrect in attempting to apply human logic and timing to a problem that can only be understood and solved in a realm of knowledge higher than ours.

Abu Sa’id al-Kudri recorded a relevant hadith concerning coitus interruptus (ie. to have sexual intimacy with women without getting them pregnant). He said, ‘We went with Allah’s Apostle in the Ghazwa of Bani Al-Mustaliq, and we took some of the Arab women captive, and the long separation from our wives was pressing us hard and we wanted to practice coitus interruptus. We asked Allah’s Apostle (whether it was permissible). He said, ‘Better for you not to do this. No soul destined to exist, up to the Day of Resurrection, but it will definitely come into existence.” (Bukhari 3.718; see also 3.432). The inference is that nothing a human could do can over-ride the will of Allah. If He wishes a particular soul to be born and live on earth, it will be so.

Yet contraception is allowed in Islam on the grounds that a pregnancy or delivery might endanger the life or health of the mother, or the fear of the burden of children might seriously cause hardship for the family. One could deduce the principles of compassion by making use of such verses as:

‘Do not be cast into ruin by your own hands (ie actions)’ (Surah 2:195).

‘Do not kill yourselves (ie overburden yourselves): indeed, Allah is always merciful to you.’ (Surah 4:29).

‘Allah desires ease for you and does not desire hardship for you.’ (Surah 2:185).

‘It is not Allah’s desire to place a burden upon you.’ (Surah 5:7).

Supposing a child has been conceived? There is no verse in the Qur’an which gives any guidance whatsoever on the matter of abortion, or at what times such a thing might be allowed.

However, there are two verses which suggest strongly that parents were asked not to kill their children, which might be extended to include abortion.

‘Do not kill not your children for fear of want: We shall provide sustenance for them as well as for you: truly the killing of them is a great sin.’ (Surah 17:31).

‘…when the girl child that was buried alive is asked for what sin she was slain, and when the pages are laid open…’ (Surah 81:8).

This latter verse really applies to the preIslamic nomadic practice of placing surplus female babies face down into the sand at birth, usually before they had even breathed. Sparse vegetation could only support certain numbers of people, and this was a simple method of birth-control, technically not abortion but infanticide. Another form was to expose a newborn, leaving it out in the open to die of natural causes or for animals to eat.

These Qur’anic verses are backed up by the famous Pledges taken by the Muslims who declared their allegiance to the Prophet – the solemn treaties that they would try to reform their lives in accordance with the Prophet’s teachings. They would worship none but Allah, would not kill children, would not steal, commit adultery, slander their neighbours, or disobey any command he gave them. Again, the meaning could perhaps be extended to include abortions.

Everything in Islam is not just either right or wrong, but can fall into five categories – halal/wajib, makruh, mubah, mandub and haram. This means – compulsory, approved but not compulsory, left to the conscience, disapproved but not forbidden, and forbidden. Abortion falls into all of the last three categories.

There are several general shades of opinion:

· that abortion should not be done at all

· that it can be done before the soul enters the body of the child – but there is debate as to what point the soul does so enter it

· that it may be done at any time if the mother’s real and existing life is endangered, as in this case it takes precedence over the unborn child’s potential life

· that abortion should not be done after the time the unborn child has developed the ability to feel pain.

Muslim jurists agree unanimously that once a foetus is completely formed and has been given a soul, abortion without valid cause is always haram except when the mother’s life is genuinely endangered, on the general principle that when two evils are being faced, one must go with the lesser of the two evils. If the mother could die without an abortion, then the welfare of the actually existing being (the mother) would take precedence over that of the potential being (the unborn child). The calf would be sacrificed to save the cow. Otherwise, abortion counts as the crime of murder, because it constitutes an offence against a complete, live human being. The payment of full blood-money (or qisas – see Surah 2:178) becomes incumbent if the baby was aborted alive and then died, and a lesser amount is payable if it was aborted dead.

Abu Hurayrah recorded that two women of the Hudhayl tribe fought with each other, and one flung a stone at the other, killing both her and what was in her womb. The case was brought before the Prophet, and he gave judgement that the compensation to be paid by the woman who killed them, or her close relatives, was to provide a good quality servant of either sex for the unborn child, (and full compensation for the dead woman), the compensation to be paid to the dead woman’s children and husband. Hamal b. al-Nabigha of Hudhayl objected: ‘ Messenger of Allah, why should I have to pay compensation for something that neither drank, nor ate, nor spoke, nor made any noise? It is a nonentity (ie only a foetus).’ The Prophet rebuked him (Muslim 4168).

In other words, the Prophet took the point of view that the aborted child was not ‘just a foetus’ and therefore of no consequence. Hamal had to pay compensation, just as he would have done if the child had been born, or aborted fully developed.

Another case revealed the Prophet’s down-to-earth and practical compassion. He ruled that the price of a male or female slave should be given as qisas in an abortion case concerning a woman from the tribe of Bani Lihyan (as blood money for the foetus) but the lady on whom the penalty had been imposed died. The Prophet then ordered that the dead woman’s offspring and her husband (who were innocent) should not have their property interfered with, but that the blood-money should still be paid, by members of her tribe. (Bukhari 8.732. See also 9.420 which also indicates the price to be that of a slave in good condition).

Incidentally, one interesting narrative links ‘burying alive’ with the birth-control method of coitus interruptus. The Jews of Saudi Arabia at the time of the Prophet apparently referred to it by the euphemism of ‘burying alive’. The Prophet said: ‘The Jews are wrong. (ie. in thinking such a conceived child could be ‘snuffed out’ or ‘buried’). If Allah wished to create a child, you cannot prevent it.’ (Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah, Nisai and Tirmidhi).

On a later occasion, Umar was involved in a conversation on the same subject, and remarked that coitus interruptus was a form of burying alive. Ali said: ‘This is not so before the completion of seven stages – being a product of the earth, then a drop of semen, then a clot, then a little lump of tissue, then bones, then bones clothed with flesh, which then become like another creation.’ Umar agreed that Ali, who was paraphrasing Surah 23:12-14, was correct.

The Prophet certainly required the soul of an aborted baby to be granted the same respect as that of any other person. Mughirah ibn Shu’bah recorded: ‘Prayer should be offered over an abortion and forgiveness and mercy supplicated for its parents.’ (Abu Dawud 1400).

So, the big debate is – when does the soul enter the unborn child? The determining of the nature of the human soul is hardly cut and dried. It is one of the matters of al-Ghayb, that is to say, it is known to Allah, but it lies completely beyond the capacity of human understanding. Therefore there is room for speculation and scholarly debate, and several points of view.

· That the human soul enters the unborn child’s body at the 40th day

· That the human soul enters the unborn child’s body at the 120th day

· That life is the gift of God from the first instant of conception, so from that first moment the child in the womb has the same rights as any other human.

· That life is the gift of God from before the time of conception, and that every single sperm is a potential being complete with its own soul.

The 40 day period is the equivalent of 6 weeks, and the 120 day period is the equivalent of 17 weeks, or after 4 months. It is certainly the case that a foetus has developed enough to be regarded as fully human by the sixth week, when its sensory and motor nerves are functioning, and it reacts to painful stimuli.

Two relevant hadith indicate six weeks as a highly important moment in the physical development of a foetus: ‘When forty-two nights have passed over that which is conceived, Allah sends an angel to it, who shapes it, makes it ears, eyes, skin, flesh and bones; then the angel says: ‘O Lord, is it male or female?’ and your Lord decides what He wishes, and the angels record it.’ (Muslim 6396). Forty-two nights is six weeks. In modern support of this, ultra-sound scanners can certainly detect by the sixth week whether the foetus is male or female.

Hudhayfah ibn Usayd recorded: ‘When the drop of (semen) remains in the womb for forty or fifty (days) or forty nights, the angel comes and says: My Lord, will he be good or evil? And both these things would be written. Then the angel says: My Lord, would he be male or female? And both these things are written. And his deeds and actions, his death, his livelihood; these are also recorded. Then his document of destiny is rolled and there is no addition to and subtraction from it. (Muslim 6392).

However, we must bear in mind that although many Muslims link this particular hadith with the entry into the child’s forming body of a soul, neither hadith specifically mentions the soul at all.

Another hadith puts forward a different suggestion, that the soul enters the body of the foetus at around the 120th day, in other words, after the fourth month, or in the seventeenth week. (Four lunar months of 28 days = 112 days; seventeen weeks = 119 days).

The relevant hadith is actually somewhat ambiguous, although recorded by an extremely reliable source, Abdullah ibn Masud. ‘The creation of every one of you starts with the process of collecting the material for your body within forty days and forty nights in the womb of your mother. Then you become a clot of thick blood for a similar period, and then like a piece of flesh for a similar period. Then an angel is sent to you ordered to write four things: your livelihood, the date of your death, your deeds, and whether you will be a wretched or a blessed one (in the Hereafter) and then the soul is breathed into you.’ (Bukhari 9.546. See also 4.430, 549; 8.593 and Muslim 6393 for other recordings of the same hadith). Thus, three periods of 40 days are suggested, totalling 120 days. But you can see how the four things the angel writes link this hadith with the 40-day one.

It should be noted that the suggested times are actually vague – the first stage was said to have happened within forty days, or by the fortieth day, so this in itself is not precise. Secondly, the other two periods are said to be ‘similar’, which may not imply exact. Thirdly, it is well known that the phrase ‘forty days’ does not literally have to mean exactly forty days, but is a traditional term used in the Prophet’s part of the world to mean ‘a long time’.

Also, in spite of this hadith, the Prophet (pbuh) made it clear that the nature of the soul and its prehistory was a matter of al-Ghayb, a matter upon which he had received no revelation and which was beyond human knowledge, and therefore he could only give his best opinion as a knowledgeable and pious man.

Abdullah ibn Mas’ud recorded that some Jews specifically asked the Prophet about the nature of the soul. He did not reply at first, and Abdullah realised he was receiving a revelation. It was of Surah 17:58: ‘They ask you about the soul. Tell them (that) the soul is by the command of my Lord, and you are given but little knowledge of it.’ (Muslim 6712).

Others refute the 120 day notion by the assertion that there is confusion in the chain of narrators of this hadith, and the stronger 40-day hadith contradicts it.

However, the belief in the significance of the seventeenth week is followed through into Muslim funeral proceedings. A miscarried foetus less than four months old, is not required to be ritually washed, or have funeral prayers offered for it. (This does not mean that one is forbidden to pray over such a foetus, however). It should be wrapped in a piece of cloth and buried. The majority of jurists are in agreement on this point. This indicates the belief that the unborn foetus is not yet an independent living being.

On the other hand, if a miscarried foetus is four months old or older, and the existence of life in it was established, then there is a consensus that it should be ritually washed and a funeral prayer offered for it. Malik, Al-Awza’i, Hasan, and the Hanafi school rule that if its life was not established by movements or other evidence, then funeral prayer is not required for it. This indicates that now the unborn foetus does count as an independent living being. They base their opinion on a hadith transmitted by Tirmidhi, Nasa’i, Ibn Majah, and Al-Baihaqi on the authority of Jabir that the Prophet said: ‘If in a miscarried foetus life is established by its movements, a funeral prayer should be offered for it, and it is entitled to its share of inheritance.’ (Fiqh us-Sunnah 4.46b).

In fact, on the simple basis of being a woman who has had two children, I used to argue very strongly that the soul did most likely came into the body round about the 120th day, because of my own experience and that of most women, of the moment of feeling the ‘quickening’. After conception a woman is not really aware of the growing foetus in her own body, any more than she is aware of her own kidneys or liver etc (unless they have gone wrong and are sending out pain-warning signals etc). Around the 120th day, however, many women experience a sudden moment when they become very aware that they are carrying something within them which is completely independent of themselves.

When my first baby quickened I was walking up the street carrying a bag of shopping. I dropped my shopping bag and all my apples rolled out into the road. With the second baby it was not such an obvious feeling, but I certainly became aware of the movement of my own child round about that time, give or take a few days – most women will report the same sort of thing, depending on how sensitive they are.

One day you feel nothing, the next you do, like an itch you cannot scratch. You might even be tempted to poke or prod it, but need to remember that this is your unborn child, and it needs protecting and carrying with care. Some women are also very sick at the time with a great deal of vomiting, others who have had morning sickness for a long time already, suddenly get better from it. The feeling is almost as if you have a little mouse inside you, which wriggles and fidgets, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. It is a very odd and funny feeling, and a fascinating subject.

So, basically, I originally felt strong agreement with the old traditions that the 120th day (4 months) was more or less when the soul came into the unborn child.

However, I have had second thoughts, and now my hunch is that the soul comes at the first moment of conception – based on the information now available to expectant mothers through ultra-sound equipment, which can photograph the life, activity, and changes in the foetus from the very earliest moments, as soon as it becomes visible. It is extremely obvious from these photographs that the foetus is living and developing, feeling and moving and experiencing things, including sound (I think) and pain long before the mother is aware of it. What really brought it home to me, and in a traumatic manner, was when I was sent a video from the South African Muslim medical community, which was not subject to the same censorship laws as we have here in the UK.

Obviously, it would be impossibly dangerous for an expectant mother to be X-rayed throughout an abortion, but it is perfectly possible to have ultrasound pictures of it, and these now exist in abundance. I saw for myself what happened, the blades being inserted to cut up the foetus, and how the unfortunate little being reacted, but could not escape. It also showed the ghastly performance of what happened afterwards, in all its gory detail – buckets of baby pieces. On the strength of that, I could no longer believe that the foetus prior to 120 days was not already a separate living being, its development was already moving on rapidly in a continuum. And so I could no longer maintain my earlier belief that the foetus was an inert thing like a kidney before that time. I then went back to the study of hadiths, and satisfied myself that the time when a soul was given to an unborn child, and indeed, the entire nature of the soul of a living being, was not something that was given to human knowledge.

The aborted child is not a nothing, a nonentity. Indeed, through the compassion of Allah it may play a significant part in the fate of its own parents! Tirmidhi’s hadith collection records a highly interesting statement recorded by Ali about the soul of an aborted baby pleading to save its parents from Hell: ‘The Prophet said, ‘When the parents of an aborted child are entering hell, the abortion will plead with his Lord, and will receive the reply, ‘O you abortion who are disputing with your Lord, bring your parents into Paradise.’ He will then draw them with his umbilical cord till he bring them into Paradise.’ (Tirmidhi 555).

This does not fit easily with the teaching that on Judgement Day each of us will stand alone, and no-one will have the power to plead for us. However, it does fit the amazing compassion of Allah that will forgive people, even if the forgiveness is not caused by the earnest intercession of others.

Mu’adh ibn Jabal recorded that the Prophet said: ‘No Muslim couple will lose three (of their children) by death without Allah bringing them into Paradise by His great mercy.’ He was asked if that also applied if they lost two, and he said it did. He was asked if it applied even if they lost only one, and he said it did. Then he said, ‘By Him in Whose hand my soul is, (even) the abortion draws his mother to Paradise by his umbilical cord when she seeks her reward for him from Allah.’ (Tirmidhi 552).

What a wonderful realisation. Each tiny aborted individual is not a nothing, something just wiped out or ceasing to exist. In the compassion of Allah an aborted baby is not forgotten. Hasana the daughter of Mu’awiyah recorded from her paternal uncle: ‘I asked the Prophet: ‘Who are in Paradise? He replied: ‘Prophets are in Paradise, martyrs are in Paradise, infants are in Paradise and children buried alive are in Paradise’. (Abu Dawud 1041).

We are so ignorant of the amazing dimensions of al-Ghayb. It is possibly going too far – who knows – but if we took the interpretation of the phrase ‘burying alive’ as suggested by that contemporary Jewish use in the Arabian province, then this might even include every single potential child in a man’s cast-off sperm – which the scientists tell us could be up to 35 billion individual entities every time a man ejaculates! Sounds crazy, until you come across the insights of the mystics as to the myriads of angels that occupy each tiniest speck of space. ‘If the skies, the earth, the moon, the sun, the stars and the galaxies were all crushed into dust, their particles would not be one tenth of the angels on one step of the ladder of paradise.’ (‘Angels unveiled – a Sufi perspective’, Shaykh M. Hisham Kabbani, Kazi Publications, p.86).

God bless you, wasalaam, Ruqaiyyah.

Marriage & The New Muslim Sister

Posted in Marriage for New Muslims, Preparing for Marriage on June 18, 2007 by Shaz

 Saraji Umm Zaid

It often seems that the first words you hear from other Muslims after you’ve taken your shahada is, “Are you married?” Many, many new sisters report that they feel frustrated with the intense attention paid to their marital status. Often you will hear things like, “Marriage is half your deen,” “It is the Sunnah,” “You must help keep the brothers from committing unlawful sexual intercourse,” and “That’s what Muslim women do.”

Slam on the Breaks! Wait a Minute!

It is true that marriage and family life are important, the building blocks of the Islamic community. However, I think it is unfair for people to expect new sisters to turn around and get married right away. As a new Muslima, you are going to find pressure from your family, friends, and co-workers, and you will find yourself stumbling through a new culture and lifestyle. In a way, it’s like being a baby, having to learn everything over again, and there will be a lot of frustration.

Although you may be eager to run out and get married right away, I have to ask you to check yourself, and really think deeply about how well you can handle a commitment like marriage, when you’ve just made your first step in making a commitment to Allah ta’ala. If the brother is on some sort of deviancy, or isn’t really practicing, or treats you in a horribly cruel manner, this will only serve to drive you away from Islam before you have had the opportunity to really study it. Staying single within the Muslim community for a little while will also afford you the opportunity to observe married couples, get to know other sisters, and observe the conduct of men within your community. It will also give you time to build up a reputation according to your Islamic practices, and not the fact that you’re just the latest news.

Marriage in Islam: An Overview of Rights

As you may know, courtship and marriage are conducted in a radically different manner than you may be used to. No more dating, no more holding hands, no more going out for dinner, or hanging out at each other’s house. Obviously, there is no pre-marital intimacy allowed. This doesn’t mean that you don’t choose your spouse [that's right, you still get to choose...] for reasons other than pleasant companionship, similar interests, and similar mannerisms. What it means is that you get to know each other, often in a short period of time, through chaperoned meetings, phone calls, and letters, rather than just “hanging out.”

In Islam, marriage is looked at as a partnership [despite outside opinions to the contrary], and it is the foundation upon which an Islamic society is built. And yes, Islam holds a “traditional” view of the male / female dynamic within that marriage. Each spouse has certain rights over the other, and each spouse has certain responsibilities towards the other.

Responsibilities incumbent upon both spouses include, foremost, that mutual respect and appreciation is present in the most everyday and mundane dealings. Rigid rules of behavior and unrealistic expectations only serve to undermine the position of both spouses. Secondly, each spouse is responsible for their own diyn, or religion. You can’t blame your husband’s laziness for you not making morning prayers. Likewise, he can’t blame your cooking (which is probably superb!) for his going out and eating or drinking haram foods.

Responsibilities of the Husband

The dowry (mahr):

This is his absolute obligation, and your absolute right under Islamic law. The man MUST offer a dowry of some sort, although you do have the right to waive the mahr. The marriage is not valid without a mahr being stipulated and either waived or agreed upon in the contract. The purpose of the mahr is to safeguard the economic status of the woman in the event that she is divorced or widowed, or the husband loses work. The husband must comply with the wedding contract in the amount of the mahr, whether it is real estate, money, jewels, or something else.

Nowadays, many women specify that they would like a car, computer, or capital to start their own business. The mahr can be paid immediately before the marriage, or deferred until later after the marriage. If the husband later makes it clear that he has no intention of paying the mahr, the marriage is invalidated and the husband is deemed to have committed a great sin. If you divorce before the marriage is consummated, then half the dower is due to you (2:237), and you have the right to remit that also. Once the marriage is consummated, the husband has no right whatsoever to ask for any portion of the mahr.

Too many American sisters waive their rights to a mahr, or accept “tokens” as their dowry. While this is fine for those who are really, truly in love [for instance, those who have known their spouse-to-be for many years], the fact is, the ignorance of many new Muslim women on the subject of mahr has made them unwitting targets of men who are reluctant to fulfill this duty. The dowry isn’t a “nicey nice” gesture, it is part of your economic safeguard should your husband die, or divorce you, or lose work.

The scholars of Islam have generally said that a year’s maintenance is an acceptable dowry. American Muslimas are known for their willingness to accept extremely small dowries ($10) or token dowries (a set of hadith translations, a few nice dresses) which the husband would most likely provide after marriage anyway. [For instance, it is his obligation to provide you with clothing, not his favor.] Jeffrey Lang, in his book Struggling to Surrender, mentions:

“Interestingly, I am often asked by young foreign Muslim men if I know any American Muslim women who are interested in getting married. When I advise them that it may be easier to find someone in their home country, I am frequently told that American women ask for much smaller dowries. Personally, I am not comfortable with introducing my friends to men who wish to take advantage of their unfamiliarity with this institution.”

Maintaining the Household:

This means he is responsible for all (that’s right, all) household expenses. This is obligatory on him. The wife is not obliged to provide anything of her needs, no matter how rich or poor she is. The husband must provide for her clothing appropriate for each season, food, and shelter. The obligation of maintenance is a must upon the husband even if the wife and he are living in separate quarters (the wife living separately with his consent– say for instance, one goes overseas for school).

Residence:

The husband must at least provide for the wife a home where no other relatives reside. It is her right to agree to live with his family members and waive the right to private residence. If this is the case, he should provide her with a private area which is accessible to her only, where she can keep her personal belongings.

Overseeing the Islamic education of the wife and the children:

In Islam, the husband is the head of the family, and is responsible for ensuring that both his wife and his children have access to appropriate Islamic educational materials. This means ensuring that his wife has access to Qur’an, Tasfir (exegis, explanatory commentary of Qur’an), hadith, scholarly texts, halaqas, whatever. Usually, it is the wife and mother who becomes the children’s main educator, and it is in everyone’s best interests for the husband to uphold this responsibility with rigor.

Conjugal Relations:

The wife is entitled to sexual relations at least once every four nights (since this is as many wives as he can have), and / or enough to keep her from falling into any type of haram behavior. It is also expected that the man satisfy the wife to the degree where she is not tempted to commit zina, or adultery. It is absolutely forbidden for him to expect her to have sex in the presence of a cognizant third party (such as other adults).

A wife should expect that her husband will approach her gently and with concern for her feelings also. The Prophet (sallalahu aleyhi wa salaam) told his Companions not to approach their wives like a camel approaches a she-camel (that is, without any intimate and affectionate behaviors beforehand). There are other hadith where the Prophet (sallalahu aleyhi wa salaam) advises them to joke and cuddle with their wives, and to make sure that she receives her pleasures as well. For more on intimate marital relations, please read “The Muslim Marriage Guide” by Ruqayyah Waris Maqsood.

Justice:

The husband must abstain from using — rather, abusing — his rights in a cruel or unjust manner. Kindness to wives is repeated throughout the Qur’an and the Hadith.

Responsibilities of the Wife

Conjugal Relations:

The first and foremost responsibility of a wife towards her husband is his right to enjoy conjugal relations with his wife. It is obligatory for you to “go to your husband” when he asks you if you are at home, can physically endure it (i.e., you’re not ill or injured), and have received your mahr. It is absolutely forbidden for a man to have intercourse with his wife during her menses (although other intimacies are allowed), during post-natal bleeding, or during daylight hours in the month of Ramadan. Anal sex is also forbidden, and you are not obligated to participate in this practice. If the husband permits the wife to engage in voluntary fasting throughout the year, then he has waived his right to have sex with her during the daylight hours of the day that she is fasting.

Guarding the Rights of the Husband:

In his absence, you are obligated to protect both your chastity, his children (be they yours or not), his secrets, and his property. It is better not to let people into the house without his knowledge or permission, or to let people into the house whom he dislikes. [For instance, the plumber comes over and he doesn't know about it.] In this day and age, this is also a practical safety measure for yourself.

Management of the Household:

The wife should keep the home, meaning preparing the meals, cleaning and decorating the home, managing the household budget, and taking the primary responsibility of rearing the children. Although it is usually agreed that the wife isn’t Islamically obligated to cook or clean, at this point in time most men are simply unable to afford hiring a housekeeper. Doing these things while not being obligated to is certainly a kindness that a wife can hope to receive reward for if she performs it for the sake of Allah.

Obedience to the Husband:

This is often one of the most misunderstood aspects of married life in Islam. Obedience to your husband does not mean that you wait on him hand and foot, or that you curtsey to him and never turn your back to him. He’s your husband, not the emperor. In an Islamic marriage, obedience to your husband concerns two matters: (1) that you comply with him when he desires marital relations which are within the boundaries of the Qur’an and Sunnah (see above), (2) that you comply with him on Islamic matters if his opinion is not one which is deviant or outright un Islamic. One reason that Muslim women can not marry non Muslim men is because of this obedience, and the nature of the husband’s responsibility of being in charge his family’s Islamic education. In Islam, the man is responsible for seeing to it that the family is adhering to Islam, especially the children. A non Muslim man can not only not take on this massive responsibility, but he is pre-disposed, by the very nature of his being a non Muslim, to fight against it, whether he consciously admits that or not.

Nushuz, or rebellion, of the wife towards the husband is a very serious thing, and is a cause for divorce, although the man is advised to go through certain steps before seeking a divorce. The most common types of nushuz are the refusal of a wife to go to her husband’s bed, apostasy (leaving Islam), and adultery. Nushuz does not mean that you cooked macaroni and cheese when he asked for chicken and broccoli. Admonition (i.e. encouraging the wife to repent, and to return to Allah ta’ala) is the first step the husband is required to take in dealing with nushuz. Refusing the bed or marital relations [cold shoulder] is the second. If the wife has actually committed some form of gross rebellion (i.e. adultery) it is lawful for the man to lightly and symbolically (ie, with a toothbrush) strike her, but not to bruise, break bones, wound, or strike her in the face, after he has taken the above steps over an unspecified amount of time (ie, he doesn’t take all of these steps in one hour, one day, or two days). He may only do this if he thinks that such a light strike will encourage her to return to the Straight Path, and after he has exhausted the other steps. Above all, the husband should follow the example (Sunnah) of the Prophet (sallalahu aleyhi wa salaam), who never raised his hand against a woman.

How to Go About Getting Married in Islam

According to most scholars of Islam*, no unmarried woman can draw up her own contract under Islam, whether she is a virgin or not, never married, or divorced / widowed. The resulting marriage would not Islamically valid without a wali, or guardian for the woman. The guardianship is a fact of life, and the key isn’t to view it as some burden on your path to wedded bliss, but as a protection and resource for you to take advantage of. (*The exception to this is scholars of the Hanafi school of law, where the presence of a wali is not strictly necessary for contracting every valid marriage. Don’t get married without consulting a knowledgeable Imam or scholar).

The guardian must be: male, legally responsible, Muslim, upright in character, and of sound judgment. The guardian may not be a woman, a child, an insane person, a non Muslim, or a corrupt person. Also invalid is the one whose judgment has been affected by old age or disease, or someone who suffers from a severe illness or physical ailment that would keep him from being fully responsible for the woman.

As converts, your parents are [most likely] not Muslim, and this probably goes for your brothers and uncles as well. Thus, the guardianship falls upon the local Islamic authority, in this case, the local Imam or Alim. He may either act as the wali himself or appoint a knowledgeable and upstanding person within the community to discharge the duty.

I can’t stress the importance of the fact that you should be actively involved in choosing your wali. Don’t let an imam you barely know appoint a man you don’t know to be in charge of your future. Get to know the wives in the community, as they can often tell you who would make a responsible wali. When you do have a wali, make sure that you get to know him and his wife. Make sure that they know all of your requirements for a spouse, as well as your likes and dislikes, your personality and taste. Choose someone whom you feel will be concerned for your wellbeing — there are too many tales of walis marrying women off to their buddies, or the first person who asks, without regards to either person’s status, diyn (religious life), or personality.

As an independent American or Canadian woman, who is used to being able to make her own choices, go wherever she pleases, talk with whom she wishes, the issue of guardianship may be a hard one to come to terms with initially. But the fact of the matter is that not only will your marriage be Islamically invalid without a guardian, it is also an advantage for you to have one who is “on your side.” The wali is the person that all brothers interested in marrying you MUST contact. This means you don’t have to worry about awkward situations, and “letting him down easy,” the wali does it for you. You certainly know by now that you simply do not have access to the social world of Muslim brothers… but your wali does. He is the one who knows how a brother seeking your hand relates to other men, how he is viewed by other men in his religious, social, and financial dealings. He is able to “get to know” any man interested in you, and compare your personalities and preferences.

It is also important, when considering marriage to a foreign born man, to have a wali. I have heard too many stories of new shahadas unknowingly duped into fraudulent marriages by brothers who have told them they don’t need a wali, or that his brother can be her wali, etc. In this day and age when green card marriages are a reality (a very ugly one), having someone “on your side” is terribly important. The wali is required to check the brother out completely, and this includes dealing with people in other countries who would not be so receptive to you calling them up on the phone. He is required to make sure that the brother isn’t hiding a wife and children somewhere while he “gets his g.c.” The wali may also be a go-between for you and the in-laws. Which brings us to the next topic…

The Green Card Marriage

No matter how much we try to have an ideal view of Muslims and their behavior, the fact of the matter is, there are men out there who deliberately seek out American converts to Islam in order to enjoy the benefits of your birthright— citizenship. (I do not know if this situation is the same in Canada or other Western countries). The Green Card Marriage is a very real thing, and a very real threat to the woman. Most born citizens are ignorant about immigration laws and visas, and are often easily duped into fraudulent marriages. Know that I am not a lawyer, and am offering the following advice based on talking to other sisters, and researching immigration law myself. If you are going to marry someone who does not already have a green card, you should consult a reputable immigration attorney. It is money well spent.

In past years, it was relatively “easy” for two people to get married for the sake of the G.C. However, even before the post-September 11th laws restricting immigration, Congress had enacted more rigorous rules for those married to non-citizens. Green card marriages are no longer an easy thing to get away with, something to romanticize in Hollywood movies. Do not think that you can marry a man just to help him secure a green card and get away with it. Breaking the laws of the country you live in is a grave sin in Islam, as is fraud. Even if you do not have to answer to the INS and the Department of Justice for your fraud, you will have to answer to Allah subhannahu wa ta’ala. The INS and Department of Justice have clamped down on these sorts of fraudulent marriages, and the penalties for both spouses are severe. Conversely, if a man thinks that he can marry you just for a green card, without letting you know if this intention, he is seriously mistaken if he thinks that it will be easy.

The INS requires that marriages of a citizen (or permanent resident) to a non resident alien (those without green cards) last for a period of about five years. The non resident alien spouse (that’s him) usually receives his working papers after 90 days (if he was here illegally), and a conditional green card within 18 mos to 2 years. The condition is that you must remain married for a period of 2 or 3 years AFTER he receives this green card. If you divorce or separate during this time, the INS is free to revoke his permanent residency and deport him.

During this five year period, you must demonstrate to the INS that you are maintaining a shared residence (you live together), joint bank accounts, and filing joint tax returns. If your spouse does not have legal working papers (ie, he is an illegal immigrant or his visa does not allow him to work), you must demonstrate that you are able to support him until he obtains legal work authorization. If the INS has doubts about the validity of your marriage, you can expect them to visit your home and your workplace, and to ask questions of your neighbors, family members, and co-workers. This means that unless your marriage is real, you either have to put up a really good front for five years or you have to involve quite a lot of people in your deception.

Finally, know this. Most men pay American women anywhere from $3,000 to $6,000 for a green card marriage. Considering the fact that you are now unable to marry anyone else for a period of five years (hope you don’t meet Mr. Right), and that you must maintain an elaborate show for the INS in order to avoid severe penalties, this is a very, very puny compensation.

If the INS suspects fraudulent marriage, they may send both spouses (yes, that includes you) back to the foreign born spouse’s country of origin during the investigation. If the ruling is that your marriage is fraudulent, the American spouse (born citizen or naturalized) is subject to heavy fines and imprisonment. That means being a convicted felon. The foreign born spouse is subject to fines, imprisonment, deportation, and refusal of entry into the US (even as a tourist) for periods of no less than ten years, or a lifetime. The marriage is also annulled. If you, as an American citizen or permanent resident, feel that he married you under fraudulent circumstances, you are allowed to report this to the INS with no penalty on yourself. As the petitioner, you have the right to refuse to petition for anyone else.

If you intend to marry someone who is not presently living in the United States, you MUST be able to demonstrate to the INS that you have met in person at least one time in order for him to be eligible for a K-1 (fiance) visa. This usually means that you have to make a trip overseas to meet the brother. Mail order and arranged marriages will not work with this situation.

Expect to have your life come under heavy scrutiny by the INS. The INS may employ home visits, and requires you to visit their offices or an embassy (if you are overseas) for at least one interview. They may nose around and ask your neighbors and relatives about you and your comings and goings. You must also be prepared for the possibility that his entry or conditional residence will be restricted to the point where he is not given a work permit, thereby requiring you to go out and work while he is at home, although this usually doesn’t happen.

When petitioning for the K-1 visa, you may also petition for a K-2, which is a dependents visa. Beware of those who want to bring over “dear old mother” and a few siblings on a K-2 visa right away. It is my understanding that as the sponsor, you will be legally responsible for all those dependents who are on a K-2 visa. This includes his children from any previous marriages, his mother, his younger brother, his cousin, whoever.

Finally, when marrying someone who does not have papers, and who will gain them through you, take the time and trouble to find out whether or not he has a wife and family back home. It may cost you money and it may take you some time, but it can save you a lot of heartache in the end. This is another time when a trustworthy wali comes in handy.

Because immigration laws can change drastically and quickly, I urge you to consult a lawyer and / or read up on the latest rulings regarding American citizens married to non-status foreigners or visa (but not residency) holders before you contract a marriage with such a man.

Culture Clash

Many female converts to Islam marry brothers who were born and raised as Muslims. Almost all of these brothers are from another culture, usually Arabic, Iranian, or Indo-Pakistani. A lot of sisters have a dreamy romantic picture of an exotic cross-culture marriage. The reality can be stressful and confusing. While brothers from these countries are often somewhat (though not overly) familiar with American culture, American women are often completely unfamiliar with their new husband’s culture, what is expected of women, what is expected of men, and so on. In addition, while many foreign-born brothers are somewhat familiar with our culture(s), most of their knowledge likely comes from movies and television. It’s been my experience that foreign born brothers have precious little interaction with Americans in a non-work / non-school setting. There’s nothing wrong with this, but it does mean that they can carry a very shallow and stereotypical view of what American family life is like, and what American women are like. When you marry a man from another culture, the package comes with both good and bad elements. You may not get an opportunity to avoid negative things in the person’s culture, especially if you have not educated yourself about them first.

It is also a fact that sometimes, men from these countries (ie, born and raised Muslim in Muslim countries) may not be practicing Muslims or even very good people. A man’s religious practice, not his ethnic or national origin, or the religion of his parents and family, should be your highest consideration when you are meeting someone for marriage.

If you are considering marrying someone from another culture, you might want to find out if there are other Western Muslimas in your area married to men from that country. You might also find e-mail support lists for American / Western Muslimas married to Arabs, Indo-Paks, Iranians, and so on. My general advice is that you don’t take advice from non Muslim women who have divorced men from another culture. Stick to the advice and listen to the experiences of Muslim women who are married or have been married to men from that country.

Although it might sound cheesy, you can also go to your library and try to find travel books, memoirs, novels, and non fiction books about your potential husband’s culture (although you should be appropriately wary of anything written by non Muslim Western journalists). If it is possible, visit sisters from his country and learn how they conduct themselves. Your potential husband might know that he is marrying an American, but he may expect you to conduct yourself according to his culture later, especially when his parents are around.

Cross-cultural marriages can be very loving and beneficial, but the couple has to make Islam the foundation of their marriage, and the “resolver” of their conflicts. Go into the marriage expecting to hit rough spots, eat food that grosses you out, and get into awkward social situations. If you keep your ‘iman and your sense of humor about you, you’ll both pull through it fine, insha’Allah.

Final Word

Whether you’re marrying someone from California or Qatar, I highly recommend the book by Ustadha Hedaya Hartford, “Your Islamic Marriage.” (Dar al Fikr Books). Ustadha Hedaya gives you advice on how to conduct yourself in easy and difficult situations according to the teachings of Islam, and cuts through a lot of the nonsense that many Islamic marriage books contain (about ideal situations where husbands and wives are never cranky and never fight). Another good, realistic book is Ruqayah Waris Maqsood’s “Muslim Marriage Guide.”

When it comes to marriage, remember to keep your wits about you. Don’t be pressured into a marriage you don’t want, and don’t let the excitement of other sisters at finally having someone to fix up sweep you into a marriage you’re not ready for. Take the time to write a small journal about what you expect from marriage, what you think you can offer to marriage, what you need to work on, what you are looking for in a husband, and so on. Always keep ” an open line” with Allah, praying to Him, asking for His Guidance on this matter, and you’ll be fine, insha’Allah.