Archive for the Marriage Humour Category

A Couple’s Conversation

Posted in Marriage Humour on July 25, 2007 by Shaz

A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at WIFE the same time.” The wife responded, “Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so
you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

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What Do Housewives Do All Day?

Posted in Marriage Humour on May 30, 2007 by Shaz

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?” She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you came home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?” “Yes,” was his incredulous reply.

She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”

The Obedient Wife

Posted in Marriage Humour on May 30, 2007 by Shaz

The obedient wife…

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, “When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.”

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, “Wait just a minute!”

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, “Girl, I know you weren’t fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.”

The loyal wife replied “Listen, I’m a Muslim, I can’t go back on my word.

I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him. “You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?”

“I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it.”

Witty Quotes

Posted in Marriage Humour on May 30, 2007 by Shaz

You have two choices in life: You can stay single
and be miserable or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
“Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”
“Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.”

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
“Husband Wanted”.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
“You can have mine.”

When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished
              
A little boy asked his father,
“Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

A young son asked
“Is it true dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?”
Dad replied, “That happens in every country, son.”

Then there was a woman who said,
“I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late.”

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say — talk in your sleep.

Just think if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking
they had no faults at all.

First guy says, “My wife’s an angel!”
Second guy remarks, “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

“A Woman’s Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, to understand a man,
to Love and to forgive him, and for patience, for his moods.
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength
I’ll just beat him to death “